Yet.... I Still Love You...

Sitting on my porch I remembered all the things that had happened here. I remembered all the conversations we had shared, I remembered the touches, the sounds, the sights. I remembered everything. I remembered how happy I had been then. At the beginning and even toward the end. I remembered everything being good even when it was bad. And then it had all ended. He left. Almost without a word or explanation. Looking out from the place I had decorated and made my own I remebered his face, how he smiled, what it looked like when he cried, and when he was angry. Now I see my life in shambles for a man who never cared. He will always have piece of my heart. But never again will he have my life. Never again will he get more than a minute of my time. That man. The man who promised me the world. The man who delivered only to take it all away with out looking back. Now he's promising some one else the world. Only this time he has lost so many friends, he lost respect and loyalty and gained shams and frauds people who don't care. I can't smile at the thought because some where deep down he is a good person. He has a heart. He has a care. Somewhere. I don't know when he lost himself. But I know if he tried he could find every thing he was in me. With me, we could build our lives back up together. And as much as I'd give anything for that. I know I deserve better. I deserve more than a man who will only love me when it suits him. Why should I give him my soul if I can only have a small corner of his heart? How do I deserve that? What happened to all the people I cared about? The people I took care of with out condition? Where's the love I shared with them? How come when I need people the most they are all gone? With out a single word of comfort. I don't need them. I want them. I want to be close to the people I gave my life to. Is that so much to ask? That after all these years I can have some one to stand by me. So I'm not standing alone. But I will. I will not fall. I will stand here and build my life for me. I will do everything I promised myself I would do and I will live as I was meant to. I will wait for some one who will love me. Some one who I can love equally as they do. After breaking my heart, a thing that can never be truly broken I love you. But I will move on and I will move on with out you. If you saw me now you would see my tears you would feel my frustration and my anger. You would remember the good times we shared and you would wonder where all those times had gone. And you would know it was your fault. You alone are the reason they are gone. You would see that I gave everything and yet I still wasn't good enough. You would apologize and try to confort me. You would talk and say all the things you knew I wanted even needed to hear. You would then slowly drift away until again I was standing alone. I lived that cycle too long. I'm finally breaking free. I'm strong enough to make it with out you. I can smile and be happy I can live with out regrets for fear of what you think. I can be my own person. I can finally live! I am free! How are you? Trapt in your own lies. You are standing there surrounded by poeple who would love to see you fall. And though I am not amognst their numbers a fall would do you some good. After everyting I still love you. Finally free of you. Yet... You will always be a part of my story, my life, my heart. After every thing. I still love you. F****r.