Hope Carr
Julia Gilkeson
Dear Readers, Here is the screen play of my one and only play. Co-written by one of my good friends Hope Carr. We worked on this together as a writing assignment for our creative writing class. One of my favourite project actually. This is an edited version that I have recently made changes too that were not in the original draft. Actually the original starred two dancers a choreographer and a ballerina and though Dimitri and Anya are not in the work you are about to read I am very proud of them as characters and they will always have a place in my heart. I have since edited to preserve the original work for Carr and myself. I feel I must give her credit for a lot of this dialogue though for as you must have noticed by now it is not my forte, but I do have the feeling you are able to tell which is mine and which is Carr's. It had been sitting on an old pen drive for years before I happened across it. Enjoy! Sincerely Your Devoted Author
Characters:
Alix is the heroine of this play, at age 21, and she has been in St. Augustine, Florida for four years now, after moving around her entire life. Built like a dancer, big eyes, long hair, pretty smile. She had a minor in Russian Literature.
Ray is the hero of this play, he is 25 years old, grew up in Atlanta. He now currently resides in St.Augustine, Florida. He is tall, dark and handsome very cliche. He has a minor in English Literature.
Setting:
Around the door of the couples apartment.
ACT ONE
At Rise: Center Stage: door frame spotlight on door Alix and Ray are on opposite sides of the closed door. Audience sees it as a “side” view. Alix is walking out of the door, and out of Ray’s life. Ray is trying to convince her to stay, they talk through the door.
Scene 1
(The scene is “frozen” as the curtain opens. Alix is on the other side of the door frozen mid-stride she seems very determined. Ray’s hands are rest on the door as if it’s supporting him as if he is looking for strength. When the dialogue begins so does the movement. Alix begins to walk off but she hears Ray’s voice and she is frozen in place forced to listen.)
Ray:
You say I have nothing. But if I have nothing why do I have feelings? Why do I feel pain? Is then joy nothing? Is love nothing? Then what of anger, or grief? If I felt all this do I own nothing? In owning these do I not have something? If nothing is all I have than Nothing is all I am. And in being Nothing, I think I have found something. I found that everything that is something wishes at no point that they had nothing. You wish you never knew me that is what you said. But how can I be certain that your love is truly dead?
(Alix looks off to the distance, crossing her arms as if in denial)
If everyone having something, if everyone not wanting of nothing, how I ask is it that you could love me at all? For you are someone who has something, and I am one, who has nothing, how can you, Something, love, Nothing? And in having something what do you have? Can Nothing have words? I ask you. And as Nothing says these words, I pray that I find something. I have! I have found truth! Now I ask is truth nothing? For Nothing has found truth? And if Nothing has nothing, but Nothing has found truth, does that make truth nothing? Then my love, what do you have to say?
Alix:
Love will never be nothing.
(Alix faces the door, rests one hand on the frame longingly as if she didn't truly want it to end, looking uneasy that her resolve was disappearing)
It is what we made it to be, that is nothing. If that is your joy, I’d hate to see your grief. I did love you, that is true. If I knew the reason, I’d tell you but that is an answer I do not have and neither of us can be certain that this is truly the end of everything we ever had.
Ray:
Do you want me to wait?
(Ray presses his forehead to the door)
Till we know there is an end? Should I wait forever for you to decide my fate? Why walk away if there is still a chance?
Alix:
Because if I don’t walk away now, I never will, no matter where life takes us, or where we’ll be, I’ll always be there. So I will walk away, in order to escape the life we would have made. It’s not that, that this life scares me it’s that this life is nothing more than love and your straightforward truths.
(Alix begins to pace)
Why? You asked. Why love nothing when you can love something? I said you had nothing because I had to say something in order to put this door between us. In order to make my own decision on fate, I had to find room to breathe to find a place with out you.
Ray:
What is more than love and truths? Although it may mean nothing here in reality, it means more to the people who want to be free. In this reality greed is the driving force of life. In this reality love has come to mean so little. In this life people spend their whole lives looking for something we have found. Those people who long for something to fill in the void of life, a void you so long to have, a void with out love. If every love then means nothing what does it mean to live? Your work? Is that enough? Is that what you can live for? Is that all that’s worth anything in this world? Who will share in your triumph? Who will stand by you when you’re in pain? I've stood by you thus far. Surely you know I’ll never walk away. To me your beauty lights the world, no one can beat you, not even death. Never think for a second that, that is what matters in this game we play.
Alix:
Your love is my pain. You are so certain that this worth everything. I am certain of you. I am not certain of myself. It is myself I fear. And all the heartbreak I’d cause you. Never being here with you as I aught. And now I have to pick either a world with you or with out you.
Ray:
Have I ever complained when you’re not around? I love you. Why do you have to choose? I saw you and I knew you were different. You never gave up. You never stopped trying. Every movement, was an act of love, it was a celebration of life.You were beautiful. But I didn't love you until I heard your voice. Till that reflection in your eyes, until your voice spoke the movements you made. You live with a grace that cannot be learned. I love that about you. Why would I demand you be anything other than what I love? Anything other than what you are?
Alix:
How could you love me now? I have changed so much since then? I have grown, I have learned so much. How could you still love me? I will never be the person I once was.
Ray:
I still love you, because I love the person you have become. It’s not as if I haven’t ever changed. Yes, you are wiser than you were, yes you are more beautiful than you were, and you love now more than ever.
(Ray starts to pace)
But that will never change how I feel about you.If you demand I move on, I will. But don’t expect me to give up on you.Not yet my love, not yet.
Alix:
I'm begging you, just let me walk away, let me make my own mistakes.Please don't say anything else, every word you say tears my heart apart.I do not want to hear it I need to walk away.Please, let me walk away.
Ray:
Why do you want to walk away?If your heart hurts so much to leave, why then, would you wish to?If every word I say, keeps you closer to me, then you must know this is the stand I make.That I will speak my mind to keep you here.To keep you closer to me.If each word acts as a link on the chain that holds.I will speak every word to make that chain ever stronger.If I let you go with out a fight where is your triumph?That I let you walk through the door?That you are past the threshold?Where is the glory of your battle?Where is the fight then?Any coward can walk away.But we both know you are more than that.That you will fight for whatever you believe in.Is that why you walk away? That you don’t believe?That we are not worth the fight?
Alix:
Not so much we, it is more that is me.I am not worth the fight, my half is not nearly as important.I want to be so much better, if only for you.Only that is something I cannot be.When did I ask for the glory of battle?When did I ask for a victory?If anything I wish to surrender, I wish only to flee.If any general ran away being afraid to win I think he would be the one we remember.To save lives that need not be lost.Let your love, not be lost on me. My white flag is cast. And hope of a future is not lost.Not on me.
Ray:
My love is not lost, not if it is valued so highly.No one is more deserving than you.If anything I do not deserve your love.That I would be the one, the one who stands in the back of theater, never seen, flushed out of sight by the spotlights.My cheering would be heard of course, but no face could be matched with the adoration.The victory that I see is that you do love me.Why? Why walk away?Will it help to say that you are my life?You are everything that matters.You are the extraordinary, in my normal and ordinary days.You are the smile on my face.You are the laughter in my voice.If you leave where will my laughter be?Where is my joy?Do the last three years mean nothing?
Alix:
Now that I know that I am your life, should that honestly change anything?What can it change?If I am the only thing that matters where is your drive?What will you work for if not me? Because eventually even if I stayed one of us would be left alone, death would find me, then again you would be alone. How could I know that you still work to live, to move on?
Ray:
You wouldn't. You couldn't. You could only hope or trust.And then it wouldn't be your choice to leave.It wouldn’t be mine.If I could be the one to see you every day, to watch as your eyes open and then again as they close, my life would be worth remembering, when you are gone. It would be worth it to share our story, to tell of you, as no one else can.It would be worth it to live on remembering every moment we ever shared. Knowing I was the one you chose to share them with.
Alix:
Why? Why me?You said I have only to trust!You said I have only a hope!Would our story be so worth telling?Why us?You said that every moment would be worth it. But my question is why?What is the difference between me and every other woman?What makes us so special? That every day of being with you would be a celebration?
Ray:
Why are you trying so hard to convince yourself that you’re not worth it?Why won’t you trust me?I have never given you a reason to doubt.Unless of course it is that there is no doubt, and so in the back of your mind you have come to doubt me.
Alix:
If I let you know how right you are I’ll never find a way to leave.If I deny every word you say you will be the one to doubt.How can I give my life over so blindly?Even if I still see?Why should I trust you so completely?We are so young, almost too young.How could you know what you want for the rest of your life?How I could trust you now when you are certain, but what of later when you have had time to change your mind?Why now when our lives are just beginning?Why now must I make the decision?When we are so young?
Ray:
Even the young know where there heart is. How old were you when you started to dance?How old were you when you knew that was your life?Even the young know when to stop running, and when to walk.The old become blind.The young choose not to see.It’s up to us to us that which we have been given.Every general knows when a battle is necessary, when every life is worth losing.
Alix:
Whose life is being lost?
Ray:
Ours.
Alix:
Where would it go?Where would it be?
(Alix wraps her arms around herself to hold herself together as if in comfort)
The live we would have shared.When would the joy end?It must.Life seems to demand a price for such happiness.A price paid with great sorrows.With every great triumph there is a price.Soldiers lose their lives, generals their men.Poets, their sanity, dancers, themselves, their hearts, it belongs only to dance.To pleasing the people, to presenting eternal grace, to a life without beauty, such as the stage.
Ray:
True. Lives are lost but with such losses come even greater hope.A hope for the future, or to recognize the past.A past that’s so worth remembering.A state of being incapable of being forgot.The young understand love and life better than the old. Is not love a state of being?
Alix:
That is an answer I do not wish to give.Good-bye love.
(Alix walks to SR spotlight follows her, light dims on Ray)
Alix:
Is love a state of being?Should I trust him?How can I not?When was my life ever better, then the times I spent with him?How can I leave?No. I’m wrong, he’s wrong. Can I take the chance of heartbreak?
(Alix takes a one last look at the door Alix's light dims, Ray steps to LC light brightens on him)
Ray:
Did I just let her go?How did I let that happen?Was there anyway to stop her?Did I really try?When have words ever been enough?How could I think I had a chance?A chance at happiness, a chance with her.I knew it was never going to be easy. And despite all that she still left. I never asked her to choose, she did anyway.And she didn’t choose me.I’m not perfect I know that. Who doesn’t?But how could something so perfect as love, be so destructive?How could it be so wrong, twisted?
(Light dims on Ray and brightens on Alix)
Alix:
Should I take that chance?I never had to be perfect not with him.Whenever I was around him the discipline I learned didn’t matter.He made life a joy to live.I could turn back and knock on that door.I could be back in his arms, and never have a second thought.Nothing could stop us.Nothing else would matter.The moment would be enough.No.No.No.This has to stop. I can’t let this happen.How can I be so happy when others are not?I know one day I will pay for such joy.But why should be such a crime to love?It shouldn’t.It isn’t.No.No.No.This has to stop.
(Light dims on Alix and brightens on Ray)
Ray:
Should I go after her?Should I stand in the wings with a rose?No, she doesn’t like roses.Should I stand there with a poem?No, the words would never be enough.Should I stand there anyway?Waiting for her to end the show with her grace?No, I need to trust her.Let her find her way back. If I try to convince her she’ll only run.If I let her wander she’ll come back, hopefully.So now, Nothing stands here.He waits for Something to come back.With all his triumphs, with all his truths he still has nothing. He still is Nothing.I am Nothing, I am nothing with out her.With out the words she speaks, with out the way she moves, with out the way she lives.Now I am the general who has no victory, the poet with out words.I am the one who sits and waits, for however long it takes.Until my love finds her way back, till she comes back, sitting here with only my love and truths.And truth is nothing, the love we made deemed nothing.The nothing I thought was something, truly is nothing with out her.Why am I still here?Is this not self pity?Who could win her back with such feelings?No wonder I am nothing.Of course she would leave.I’m driving myself mad.Of course she would be driven to leave.Driven to escape.Who wouldn’t?
(Light dims on Ray and brightens on Alix)
Alix:
I have to go.I can’t depend on him.I need to rely myself.I need to take back the independence I unconsciously gave away.I have to depend on myself.I can’t give my heart away.I can’t be any later.The ballet, I have to go.Can I?Yes I can, I must.I have to take the steps I have to go.I can never come back to this moment.Please Dear God. Let me make the right decision.Good-bye love.Good-bye Ray.
(Alix exits stage right the spotlight brightens on Ray)
Ray:
I need to do something.I can’t do nothing.Something has to be done.What can be done?What can I do?Anything, I must do anything more than nothing.But what exactly is the right something?Flowers?No.Words? No.
(Take s a ring out of his pocket looks hopefully at it)
Dear God! Alix! Do you know how much you mean to me?If only I could tell you.If only you could see.You are worth any pain you cause.You are worth any tear shed.You are worth being loved.Again it would be ballet that brings us together.Again that the beginning of our life, starts at the end of a ballet.It will be your glory.You triumph.You have conquered my heart.And you will come to know it.
(Ray starts towards the door when his hand is on the door knob Alix knocks and a spotlight is suddenly on her, Ray opens the door to see her, she jumps into his arms with tears in her eyes)
Alix:
I’m sorry.
(Between each line is a desperate needy kiss)
I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you. Ray, I love you. Ray I love you with my whole heart. You are worth the world over. You must know that.Surely you must know that.How you could love me still I do not know.But I was wrong, so wrong.I love you.
Ray:
Alix, I love you.Please don’t ever leave again. If you walk away let me be at your side.You don’t need to dance alone in this world.You have only to ask and I’ll dance with you.Forever love.Forever.My life is yours for the taking.You have only to say the word.
(He opens his hand and shows her the ring)
Alix:
Love.Really?After all that?Yes, with each breath I take let it be a yes.Forever yes.After every wrong thing I said?You still asked?You still love me?
Ray:
And I always will.More than the world.More than the sun.More than the air I breath.
(Slips the ring on her finger)
You’re worth the world over my love.You could have let me seen.Instead of running away.You could have talked to me.Instead of keeping silent.I can be patient when you need me to be.When you ask me to be.One night is enough.Are we still too young?
Alix:
Extremely young, and ever too old.Too old to see what we want the most.At least I am.
(Ray wraps his arms around her)
Now general you have won the battle.You have chained yourself to my heart.You are now a poet with words.A soldier with a cause won.You are the one I love.My white flag is withdrawn.I have turned traitor and I fight now in the name of love.Such a confusing thing, love is.Love, always changing, yet always staying the same.No wonder you would not let me go.When you were feeling such a thing as love.A state far more valued than dancing.
Ray:
You my love, are not a traitor.Not of dance, and not of yourself.You are simply a woman.The woman I love.No one will ever replace.No one could ever try.I love you
Alix:
I love you too.
(they kiss, the curtains close)
