No Matter How Close We Are

We are trouble. My friends and I. You'd think that since we live in the middle of no where, down south, that we would have nothing to do. But oh, we find stuff to do. Some of it, I am not proud of. But when you're bored there's little you won't try at least once. And like any group of friends we have our hang out spot. The old drive-in theatre. It closed back in the early nineties. It's been ours ever since. When we were little we would ride our bikes down to the playground right next to it. It still looked like a playground back then. None of kids play there now. Just us and we love to play. We like to lose track of time, and forget the boundries. When kisses melt to be something more. And friendships grow to be more than that. Now we drive there in our cars and blast our music. We fade to where ever we want. We can hang out with people if we don't want to be alone, or we can find someone to be alone with. In the deep summer daisey dukes are the norm along with mid-drift shirts for the girls. If or when guys wore shirts they were plain tight t-shirts. In our group no one was out of shape. We were all hard working, a few of us worked on farms others worked for the local moving company, or at the diner. Or we played a sport. In the end no one was hard to look at. Sure there were a few girls with some extra weight and some guys too but they wore it well. It became them in a way being thin couldn't. This was the kind of group where every one had a southern twang, drawl, accent whatever you want to call it. Most girls had long hair, so did the guys now that I think about it, or it was cut to military standards to appease the older stricter generation. Our parents acted as their parents had even though when they were our age they were worse than we were. Our ancient teachers still tell fantastic stories about the stunts our parents pulled. We had the town wrapped around our little finger. But the question was always for how long. We were careless. We loved life and we were a family. Our small group in our small town was a family. Our ties stronger with eachother than they were with our own blood. Blood it seems is not thicker than water. We played football in the cool days of fall, we had bonfires in the chilly days of winter, in spring we would stay home for reasons still unknown. In the summer we were rarely apart. Our lives were in our own little world and were just ready for it to shatter because nothing that good could last forever. No matter how close we are.

Stuck This Way.

You know. I used to be the last thing you thought about before you fell asleep, and the first thing you thought about in the morning. You used to say hey just because you missed me. What happened? I want to think it still bothers me, that I still care. It still hurts, just thinking about it. But at the same time it's a relief. I miss you and the way we used to talk. I still love you. But I'm tired of my heart breaking. Even though a heart can never really break. I want to care because you were important, you still are. But I just don't. It's like some one flipped the switch to my emotions. I just don't care anymore. Not like I did. I can't think of it being over, not when it had lasted so long. That chapter of my life is closed and I don't know if it can ever be opened again. This is bigger than any fight we have had. This is my hurtful than the words we have said. It changed us. I should say goodbye but I never will love. I'm yours. You're mine. This is how it worked for so long. We never gave up. We never really will. I love you.

Invited Chaos

Music filled the room. Chaos surrounded us. You couldn't hear yourself think. It was bliss. It was an escape, from everything. Personal space couldn't exist here, and it didn't matter. I could feel my worries slip away. The thought of getting caught never crossed my mind. I saw a familiar face, and he took my hand, and led me to a quieter place. We were alone, apart from the crowd of people, yet still included in it. Then he kissed me, he pulled me closer. One hand on my waist the other, tangeled in my hair. I couldn't think. I was so absorbed in the thrill of it, by each touch. He leaned back, and smiled at me. That one smile that was mine, and mine alone. It was one I never really got to see. We were rarely ever alone. He stood up, and dragged me up with him. My hands in his, we started to dance to a song I'd never heard. But obviously knew it, because he started singing the words. Listening to the words he sang I fell more in love with him. He wasn't the romantic type, but he was sweet when he wanted to be. That party was one of those times. Then the party spilled into the room, and surrounded us. No longer alone we laughed and enjoyed the night with friends and strangers. The music blared even louder than before. Eventually it was time to leave. As we walked out the door with our friends the pressures of the real world caught up with us. We all piled into my car. Slowly the car emptied until it was just me and him. He kissed me goodbye when we pulled into my drive way. He opend the door and started to walk across the street to his door. "See ya baby" He said and then he was gone. "See ya honey".

All Too Soon

If only this wasn't real. If daylight would only shine through the black abyss. If only I could breathe. The cold water twisted my all too long hair, it seemed to wrap around my neck pulling tighter as fate pushed by me faster towards whatever was to come. Trying to move, being unable to, thinking, hoping someone will come. But deep down knowing there was no way. My heart pounding, keeping me from thinking, keeping me from living. Gasping for the air that wasn't there. My jeans seemed to drag me down, the water fought harder to keep me under. I knew ahead there were rocks. I couldn't tell if I was shaking from the cold or the fear. Knowing I had seconds left. A brief stream of light reached for me from above. Yet it faded all too soon.

Extraordinary

What was so different about her? What made her stand out? There were people far kinder than her and people easier to look at, not that you didn't want to look. Her humor was everywhere far from unique. Her patience minimal and yet it rarely ran out. She was tolerant and she easily forgave. She whined, and smiled at the worst times. She never lied when it was important. Was it her morals? Was it the way she saw good in people even when they showed the worst? She gave everything for everyone around her to be happy. And she smiled when she wanted to scream. She could never hate a single person. How was it that she found me? She said I found her, I saved her, but she found me, she took time to be there for me when I didn't want the help. I needed it all the same.And I love her. I loved her when she was obnoxious, I loved her when she didn't make sense. How is it that two insignificant people become so significant to one another. In our lives where nothing is more than ordinary. How is it that we find extraordinary?

Live Life

Live Life
For all the people who can't
who won't
And for the ones you love
You never know how long you have
So live
For your best friend

No Signs, No Turns, Just Road

They say you need to find yourself. That you should undergo self-discovery. But I know who I am. I know what it means to be me. What I don't know is what I want to do with that. I don't know what I can do with that. I know who I am. But what do I want? What is there for someone like me? Someone without drive? I am not lost. I'm just driving without a destination and my map only tells me so much. Where can you find answers? Life's too short to be running around without a head, to be living in misery stuck in somewhere you don't want to be. So what do you do? Someone tell me. I don't want to live this way, to live with nothing. But how do you know what you're meant for? When you're surrounded by people who know what they want, you are the odd one out and you don't know what to do about it. You look and look. You hope you'll reach some epiphany, that you'll just turn around and there it'll be. You'll know instantaneously that's what you're meant for. You have to work at it of course, but at least you know where you are going. I have the pieces but not the picture. I can do anything I want, I can work to be anything. I just don't know what that is or when I'm going to find it. I'll just keep looking, and try to find my life. Eventually, I have to. So you feel hopeless in a country filled with hope and promise. A place where any dream can come true. As long as you have a dream. So pray for the dreamless, the wishful without wishes. The ones with potential but no passion. The ones who want to be like eberyone else, to love something beyond anything else. The ones traveling on a road without signs hoping they find when they are supposed to be.

Demons Dragons and Promises

I loved you
There were no conditions
Except that you had to be there
For every moment
For every step
All I asked for was love
You were my best friend
My hero
You fought the demons and the dragons
And won
You slayed the nightmares
And saved me from it all
You were always there
So I thought
It wasn't me
It wasn't my fault
I'm still your girl
Or so you say
You still walked away
You gave it up
There's no picking and choosing
We are all one and the same
A package deal
We were one of a kind
And now we're torn apart
I loved you
You were my rock
My solid foundation
You were my immovable protection
Yet you moved
You promised to be there
You promised a lot of things
I waited for you to catch up
Where were you?
Not where you were supposed to be
My friend became a stranger
And you didn't know me anymore
Everything we knew had changed
Life changed us
We aren't who we used to be
But your promises are still empty
Unkempt
Empty pages
All that's left is to pretend
To pretend
That I trust you
Miss you
Look up to you
And even love you as I did then
I love you
It's just not the same
I love you
But that doesn't change a thing

Hearts Hands and Love

you hold their hand
they hold your heart
do they know it?
has it always been this way?
not always
once upon a time your heart belonged to you
back when a broken heart was just a tale
when knights could save you
and damsels needed to be saved
they hold your hand
you hold their heart
did you know?
they found you when they were lost
but no longer
you were lost until they found you
the sun's a little brighter
your smile's a little wider
you are loved for who you are
not for what you want them to see
they love you anyway
because life is darker without you there
and without them beside you
with a hand on your heart

Jump

Life gets better
it doesn't last this way
it can't
happiness is out there
you just have to wait
it'll be worth it
this life is better than most
what you and I have
we have to know that
we have to believe that
the future holds something
we cannot see
and for good reason
we live for the unknown
for the life we will live
leave nothing to the past
it will haunt you
ignore today for tomorrow
and your expectations will be too high
it's this day that's worth living
so live it
just surviving isn't enough
that's not life
that's only the shell of an empty life
so live
love
and jump

Fading

Time fades in and out
Day by day
Weeks blur to nothing
Hours to be even less
Yesterday having worth lived
Tomorrow worth the wait
But it's today you need to make the most of
Seconds fly by but don't try to catch them
Minutes swim by but don't go fishing
Moments come and go
And they are the memories that never die
Look ahead
But not behind
Live
And try not to die
Make a difference
Take a chance
Love until there's nothing left
Never hide from the world
It will always find you
Time will fade in and out
With or without you

turning away and turning back

they taught us how to love
they taught us how to lie
we even learned a trick or two how to say goodbye
there was no chance for us to meet again
they made sure of that
and they made sure we knew there was no way of turning back
we learned what it was like to die
and how to come back to life
a trick we would've never learned if we hadn't been taught to lie
we know how to smile
we know how to cry
these things only come to us when they've said goodbye
they run from their worries
without looking back
they made mistakes all their life
they turned away from what was right
but they taught us hope and faith
those two things they'll never know
and the worst mistake they ever made
was turning away from love

looking for you

don't give up
don't sell yourself short
or settle for less than you deserve
live without worrying what you're missing
because it doesn't fade with time
it only gets better as days fade to weeks
and weeks to months and so on
don't grab at a hopeless case
you're better than that
someone's looking to find you
somewhere that person is missing
someone they don't know yet
you may not know it right away
when they first say hey
but they'll find a way to let you know
you're the best thing to happen to them
you're the one to save them
just as they saved you
they want to see you smile
and hug you just because you are you
they'll be your best friend
they won't replace the ones you have
they'll just wait for you
they won't stop looking for you

Making it Worse to Making it Better

You hold back
because it makes you better
because it makes you stronger
you don't scream
because anyone can do that
you don't cry
because you won't give them the satisfaction
you avoid confrontation
because it gets you no where
because its pointless
your feelings do not matter
not to them
you are an obstacle to overcome
you are expendable
and then they find you
the person who needs you
the person that's just as spent as you are
they will be your voice of reason
and you will be theirs
they will be your stregnth
as you have become theirs
they cry for you
and scream
they donn't hold back
the react for you
they love you
they will hurt and fix you

Living

Trying to figure the world out
Having it come up short
Anger
Hurtful words
Flying towards the walls of stone
We pretend to have
And when they fall
So do our tears
Our defenses and towers gone
All that's left are our insides
Our true selves
Stripped of everything
And what happens then?
You see why we are driven
To stay so strong
For love
For peace
For courage
For life
We live this way merely to survive
And the worst part is
The only ones we're fighting is ourselves
Whether it be family
Or friends
Or our own minds
And when we fall
There's no guarantee of rising again
Whole
Broken
Or none at all

Flying

Lost in a world
You wish you didn't know
Trying to find your way
Looking for yourself
Going from day to day
You never knew you didn't understand
Until the people you loved disappeared like sand
There are billions of grains in this world
But only a few make pearls
If life were better
If wishes came true
If only didn't have to be if only
If we had a hand in our own fate
Life would be different
Life would be harder
But all the better for it
Fate play with someone elses heart
I can't take it anymore
The person I was
Can't last here
I can't change
I need the people who love me
I need to make it just a little longer
I'll fly by the straps of my boots if I have to
And I do

Bad Hands Good Cards

Sometimes you can't understand
Life just deals you the wrong hand
But it makes you stronger
Those bad hands
They break your heart
Yet they build your soul
So take it
Make it
Break it
You always lose before you can win
So lose what will come back
And win what you can't live without
Don't give up
Don't stop trying
Life goes on
So don't forget
Someone's looking to find you
Just keep looking
So they can keep looking for you
Love when you can
And love with all your heart
With all your soul
Love and you'll find your answers
And you"ll get the right cards