Condemned By Herself

Sitting by myself. Not unusual. Yet not common. That one person, always there, yet never around.If you looked at me, you would see some one, a girl sitting by herself. My brown hair brushing across my shoulders. My deep red sweater some what to big. Around my too thin frame, I try to eat, I really do but to no avail my stomach heaves at any kind of food. Here I sit, hunched over my computer, book, or my beautiful piano. If the piano, I sit on the mahogany bench at my grand piano, if my computer or book on my hardwood floor. Nothing but the piano, the mattress, the computer, and a stack of books were in my room. The closet sits there with almost nothing inside, jeans, my blue sweatshirt, my red sweater and my white t-shirts, and my white cami. All that was in my room save the one thing that matters, the phone.  My single lifeline to sanity. WIth his voice not that far away. He visits when he can but he can not risk being exposed to being sick. His health cannot be affected. I love him but my he will not see my last breath.

Annabel Lee First&Second Stanza

Dear Readers, One of my favourite American authors is none other than Edgar Allan Poe. Though his stories are a shade darker than most of the ones that I attempt I do love his way with words. I am not alone in my admiration, I share it with one of my dear friends, Jake. I even let him borrow my full collection of Poe's work (he wrote in my book). Obviously he is now banned from borrowing any of my books ever again. But Annabel Lee is one of my personal favourites and as we discussed here is a story dedicated to him. Jake here is the story I promised you. We discussed a modern day Poe Poem, or rather a short based on his poem. I hope you enjoy it! Sincerely Your Author.

It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of ANNABEL LEE; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me. - Edgar Allan Poe, Annabel Lee

She walked along the wall of the Castillo de San Marcos and looked out over the river. The tourists and locals filled the otherwise silent air. As the constant humidity coated her skin. The overly warm air felt fantastic. She skipped across the coquina, with her shoes in hand. She loved the feeling of the rough rock against her feet. Most people could barely stand the stone made of small shells. You aren't supposed to walk across the wall, but every one does. Couples sit on the wall, parents try and keep their kids off of it, and annoying middle school kids bothered everyone there.
"Hey Leigh!" she looked back at him and smiled. It was her teasingly playful smile. It always promised just enough and still left you hoping for more. Her eyes were alight with mischief and a passion he had never seen anywhere else. She ran and jumped off the wall, hair flying, smiling, even as he caught her. "God! Why do you that to me?"
"Silly, I know you'd never let me fall." She said as he put her on her feet. She hugged him before running off to Lord knew where, laughing as she went. A thing she'd been doing since she was little, and he knew it meant she was upset. She would sit there and pretend everything is alright, but as soon as she got the chance she would come here or go to the beach. She would laugh and hide any tears even from him.
"Get back here," he called, before running after her. It wasn't long before he caught her, making them tumble to the ground laughing. They sat there for a bit perfectly content as he held her. "Whats wrong Leigh?" She turned away from him and just sat there in silence. But her silence said it all, she wasn't ready to tell him. He knew if he bid his time he would eventually tell him and they would get through it just as they always did. "Come on. I'll take you to the beach." She beamed up at him, and her eyes were filled with a love that matched his own. He was the single most important part of her life just as she was in his. He helped her up and they walked passed her motorcycle to his truck. Once they got to the beach they laughed and played in the sun and he watched her forgot her troubles for a few hours. Over the years she had come to depend on him and he had never let her down. She knew without a doubt that he was the only man she could ever truly trust. No matter what, he would always be there and that thought alone got her through her darkest moments.

I was a child and she was a child, In this kingdom by the sea; But we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my Annabel Lee;With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven Coveted her and me

His soul consumed her as they kissed, as his hand traced her bare skin, and her fingers laced through his blonde curls. He could taste her smile and her sadness. When he opened his eyes for a brief moment he could have sworn he saw fear flash in her electric blue eyes. She laid there with him in the sand wrapped in his love and the light of the sun. They were not alone on the beach but no one seemed to notice the couple in sand. And for an afternoon there was no one else in the world. No words passed between them, they didn't need them. She could feel his heart beat against her own skin, and she could feel the words he longed to say. His hand that engulfed her own told her how he would stand by her. The arm around her protected her from the world, and for herself if she ever needed him to. Her head was tucked beneath his chin was adorning. They didn't need words, they never really had. She never had to hear the words “I love you”, they were there in every moment in every breathe, and the were never said.
He would wait for her to arrive at school, he would sit on the tailgate on his truck, reading, studying or whatever it was that he did. When the practice first started the many people who thought of him as a friend would join him. After many months they found that even though he smiled at them and joked, he was merely going through the motions, for he truly did not come alive until she would pull up in the spot next to his, on her black motorcycle. Eventually the crowd thinned over time until it was just him there waiting for her. Seraphina and Evangeline would sit at the schools entrance watching him. They would glare as he draped an arm over her shoulder as the couple would walk in together. The two girls would come up with ways to split up Bobby and Anna knowing it would never work. They saw that for him there was only her and how they hated that. They were beautiful in their own rights but to him they could not compare to his Leigh.
As soon as the couple stepped in school they would be surrounded by their friends, and they would walk to class and enjoy their free time before the bell rang. Bobby and Anna would be in the middle of the crowd and yet they were apart. As if they were in their own bubble. Bobby was one of the finer guys at their school, and Anna knew it. His bright green eyes, broad shoulders, washboard abs, and his 6'5 stature, made sure of that. But it wasn't just that, it was his character too that set him apart from the crowd. He never went out of his way looking for attention but as it is with all like able men people were drawn to him. It also didn't hurt that his best friend was a little firecracker. Anna was petite compared to any one let alone Bobby. Her skin tanned lightly and her jet black hair was nearly always braided, and even then it hung down past her waist. She definitely had an hourglass figure though it was slender and she stood at a petite 5'3. They were a strange pair, but they fit. Evangeline and Seraphina saw what the two had and how they hated Anna for it. They couldn't face their own jealousy, because a small part of them liked her. So they settled on convincing themselves that she didn't deserve him.

Fallen

Never would I have thought that I could sink this low. That I could bare to see myself come to this, not that I didn't enjoy every single solitary moment of it. Yet it still eats at my very soul it doesn't entirely destroy me, but it was very much below me. Even in this society, I could be considered a slut, a whore. Just like in olden days long past, the days we thought we had evolved from. We thought we had overcome but yet here we are with the same principles they had. Even in this twisted world codes and chivalry still apply. So here I am a fallen woman. By the terms of those who looked down their noses at people who do not fit in their society due to birth, rank, job, money etc. So here I am with a dirty secret in my heart yet a golden thought in my mind.. A smile on my lips, and a beautiful feeling from my toes to the top of my head, The feeling making me giddy. I giggle at nothing and am rewarded by looks from my peers the ones who love to develope fantasies to ruin my life with rumors, lies that eat up their souls. I could never be one of those girls who could care less what people sat about me. Yet neither does it eat me a live to know what they are saying. With him to smile at and to receive a smile in return is rewarding always. Then to feel his breath on my neck in between classes, and his hand on my hip as me walk to class, and the taste on his lips when we are alone. These are thoughts I cannot forget. We have been dating for years some how it feels perfect being there with him, my skin still crawls in delight when he touches me and he has been touching me for years. Holding my hand hugging me till I choke, catching me when I fall. All that and more. There is nothing that can happen to take me awa not even him. For he could never do it, and he never would, my voice is just as addicting to him as his to mine. I still whisper sweet nothings in his ear as he says them aloud for all to hear at lunch he mouths "I love you." and I return the saying meaning every syllible. So where does that leave me? The whore? or the lover?

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!

And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow--

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less gone?

All that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand--

How few! yet how they creep

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep--while I weep!

O God! can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Is all that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

The Refrain

Nothing is ever new

These words

You've all heard before

The message

All the same

As if our thoughts

Could truly be tamed

The refrain

You hear so often is

Hope

Love

Life

So often we refuse to take a chance

We refuse to jump

The unknown frightens us

Invites us

And entices us

So how could our words be anything

Other than the known?

How can we venture

When we never

Dream of what

There could be

But of what is

So often

We look at people and

We never say the things on our

Hearts

Minds

Souls

We let life pass us by

Most of us are trapped

Behind a life

We are condemned to lead

That we are expected to lead

We hate to disappoint

Especially ourselves

So let's jump

Together

Into Life

Every Thing to Lie For

I live a lie

With all my heart

My best friend

Never knew me

In the dark

Behind the veneer of deception

Inspiration bred

Of a desperate motivation

A love

That never was

That never will be

If only it could be

Things would be easy

We would be happy

If only you 

Would see

Me

For the lie

I live

For you

For us

Forever

A truth

You'd never dream of

Unseen

For an eternity

I hope

I wish

That you

Never see

The monster

You love

The one behind

The charade

That would break your heart

I love you

Anyway

Even if it means nothing

I 

Mean

Nothing

But

You 

Mean 

Everything