In Memory Of...

Our friendship would be hard to describe. You probably meant more to me than I did to you, but that's okay. I loved to you. Thank you for listening all those times when I called upset over something or someone. Thank you for making me smile and giving me advice and insight I could actually use. Thank you for being my friend. We shared stories, secrets and jokes. We put up with each other when we both did some crazy sh*t. I'm sad to say goodbye, you'll always be with me, at the back of my mind. I'll keep the memory alive. No one deserves to be forgotten especially some one like you. You were a joy to know. I loved our riveting discussions. One week ago you were taken from us, but you will never leave us. Scott Milton, you are still very dearly loved. Rest in Peace sweeite.

Morning Run

Her feet hit the pavement, and the wind brushed over her skin. The sun tried to blind her as she pushed on. Not ready to stop even as breathing became more and more difficult. Running towards something and running from herself. It was wrong, yet it was so right. Each step brought back a memory of a very different rythym. She smiled at herself and pushed on until the sweat dripped down her face, down her back. Her mind was at peace, the internal silence was so wonderful compared to its normal blather. She didn't know what it was but when it came to running she could just let all of her thoughts go and all there was was the next moment, the next step, the next breathe. She was never more in-tuned to herself than while she was running. She never questioned the emptiness she felt while she was running because it wasn't there. Her anger and grief could just fade away to where there was nothing but contentment and the need to carry on. Running was not her only pleasure it was just the only guilt free one. It's the simple things in life that keep us going and sometimes that's never more than a morning run.

In Owning Nothing!

My one and only attempt at a play! Written with the help of a very dear friend about for years ago.  Coming soon! On it's very own Page! (Links are to the Pages are in the bar that runs along under blog title). I still have a little tweaking to do! So keep an eye out for it! Sincerely Your Author

Happy Anniversary!

Well belated... It's been three years here on this blog. And yeah I know some years have had less updates than others but I'm trying. And yeah the fan base hasn't increased. But we're working on that right? For instance some one from Germany  found my blog! I hope they liked it and I hope they'll come back. I hope you do too! I may not be funny or goofy or incredibly deep. But I do have a very singular way of looking at the world. I'll share it with you if you would like to hear it. If you keep coming back. You never know I might just surprise you.

Surviving the Monsters

WARNING Mature Content (Violent Innuendos)

She never asked "Why me?". She looked him in the face, and refused to back down. As if he was just a child who done wrong. As if all it took was a few words. His arrogance turned to confusion and then again into anger. He saw no fear in her eyes. The rush he felt from the power of fear did not exist. Who was she to deny him that power?

"You won't shoot me." Her voice was calm and confident, her tone reminded him of his aunt when she spoke to a bad puppy, stern but gentle.

"Don't talk down to me!" He fumed closing his  eyes and clenching his free hand. He could feel his anger go through is body with each heart beat, and he felt the power in his rage.

"Then don't look down on me." And then the rage was gone.

"I should kill you right now." He wouldn't meet her gaze he stared at the gun in his hand instead of her. She waited, she didn't flinch or run.

"You can't. You won't" She knew to him it sounded confident but inside she was wondering why she was betting her life on it.

"Why the hell not?"

" You don't see fear in my eyes. You see pity. You won't look at me. You have my life in your hands but you don't have power over me. If it ended now the last thing I would know of this world is pain and pity. It will haunt you to see empty eyes and feel the pity I have for you. Who are you to be feared?"

"I am the one with the gun lady!"

"I am not afraid of death. Are you?" She saw him blink at the question and that was enough for her to know he did.

"Shut up."

"Death is not the scariest thing in this world. I die and all the scary things go away, I don't have to be here anymore." She couldn't help but double over when his fist met her stomach. The air was gone from her lungs, but she wasn't done yet.

"You haven't seen scary." She wasn't done yet no matter what he thought.

"You are not a monster. You may have done some terrible things, but you are still a man."

"You're stupid."

"You think so?"

"You won't shut the hell up!" She saw the next hit coming and the next. "You aren't afraid to die? I"ll make you beg for the bullet. You're going to want to die. And then you will."

He was brutal and merciless in his effort to hurt her. He reveled in her screams and held her down to witness his victory. He conquered her body but when he pulled her broken body up to look into her eyes he saw nothing. She gave no hint to how she felt no anger, fear, or even pity. There was only a fire that burned his soul. He had never felt regret until this moment. Even when she cried out she was strong. She looked away when she couldn't move but she didn't cry. She called out for help and screamed but no one came. He could barely see the green of her eyes they were swollen shut and her pretty lips were bleeding. Her nose was too. Her collar bone and wrist snapped easily and that wasn't even the half of it.

"I will survive." He wouldn't win, she owed that to herself. "You think you're the first? You think you're the worst. I was wrong you are a monster but even monsters need to be afraid of the dark." He let go of her hair and watched her body collapse, her skull bounce of the ground. Then he couldn't stop running until he was safe. From what he didn't know. The light in her eyes had been strength, it scared him. But what scared him more was that the pity was gone. He was a monster. He deserved to die. But death was so easy so final. She was right again death ended the suffering.

Slowly she propped herself up on her good wrist, and wrapped herself up in the jacket he had torn off of her. It smelled of Dean, he would be home worried. He didn't like her working here downtown but sometimes you just don't have a choice when you're a grad student. The soldier that Dean was, he always wanted to protect her, and knowing that he failed would hurt him. But at least she was alive. She could get through everything else because she survived.

Dean watched over her as she slept in the hospital. She had told him what had happened and he cried with her holding her hand all the while. He stepped out of the room and listened to the phone line ring until an old friend picked up. He told the same story she had told the cops earlier, only this enforcer followed a different set of laws.

The next morning she woke up to Dean watching the news, and there was a pitiful creature made to be an example by the monsters.

The Huntsman and His Fair Maiden Chapter One

She opened her eyes to see the world around her. Hidden from the skies by a ceiling of emerald leaves on the trees. Her bed was on the softest moss in the enclosed meadow. The sweet perfume of dew and fresh flowers was better than any stuffy cold stone room filled with manipulated flowers with more beauty than fragrance. Her pillow that she slept on was better than any goose down pillow and it was the arm of her lover. He heard her sigh, a sigh of contentment and yet sadness. They both knew that this could not last. This happiness, there was just too much separating them. They were lovers, but he knew it was not true love, not eternal love. Their's could not with stand the age of time and the struggles of hardship. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. It was doom, that made their love beautiful.

"We must get you back m'Lady." She felt his deep voice against her hair.

"Hush... Not yet." Yet she sat up anyway. Her ebony hair felt as soft as silk as he ran his hands through it, and as he did she leaned into his other hand that cupped her chin. How she wished this moment could last forever. He felt her eyes on him as he stood up and pulled on his leather pants and vest, those of a hunter.When he sat back down to dawn his boots she took them from him, and completed the lowly task herself. When she looked up to meet his eyes, she saw the love in his eyes. He took her hands and as he stood up he pulled her up with him. He tied her corset around her, and slipped the cool silk skirts over her skin. Until at last she no longer looked like a lover but that of a princess. He wrapped his own cloak around her, his quiet way of telling her he cared. Her snow white hand held his tan calloused one as they walked to where the horses were tethered. As they rode back to their prison of lies they enjoyed the sun and the taste of adventure. As her own mare thundered into the stable she let out a rebel yell of victory. He followed closely behind laughing.

Scott and Lara: Part One

Humming to himself, Scott sat at the edge of the creek. The water trickled along on its journey to its end. Like we all are in our own way. His brown hair held sweet curls, his muddy brown eyes a certain sparkle, and he stood alone in a crowd. With his strange quiet way he was a black sheep in his family, but they loved him. They loved the way he was a gentleman and how he stood by watching the world seeing it in all his beauty. He never said much but when he did you listened. That day he was humming songs he remembered hearing while growing up, songs of love, war, sacrifices and happy endings. Getting up he walked to school, just like he did every day. Passing by the same places he saw every day of his life, he saw all the differences everyone else missed. He noticed the same girl trapped inside herself. Did she know how she hid from herself?  Yet even as she was caged she was still true to herself with her kindness and he saw it everyday as she walked in front of him on the walk to school surrounded by friends. She stood apart in the crowd of people as if she were alone. As if only she knew what it meant to truly be a part of something. He never said anything to her he just trailed behind her and her friends and prayed the walk would be over soon. He dreamed of the day when he would finally meet her, and what he would say to her when they actually spoke. They never had classes together not in the last two years and not now in his senior year. Her friends were loving and caring yet they were not close. They seemed to be held together by her. They wouldn't know each other or even like each other if it weren't for her. She brought out the best in all of them. And he admired her for that fact.
She knew he was there. She always did. He was her white knight in shining armour. He just didn't know it. He was always there and she had created a man to match the figure behind her. She refused to talk to him in order to keep her dream alive. To keep her one escape in tact. Her friends talked about him and she had heard the rumors about him, and each time they only confirmed her own imagination. She feared the time was coming when her knight would meet the man himself and she was starting to believe he wouldn't disappoint. Since she was a freshman he had followed the same pattern, the same routine every morning. Every morning at the same time she walked past him sitting by the creek bed. She dreamed of what they might say or how they might act. He was so different from every one else she knew. He was so different from any other boy she had liked, dated, or even known. He drove girls home and walked them to their door. He carried paper backs in his back pocket. Had a football at hand and a smile on his face. He was considerate and kind. But he was a complete ass when situation dictated it. As far as she knew he had no flaws. He was well liked you might even say he was popular. Though no one ever considered him part of the 'in' crowd he was just well liked by just about every one. Except by what her mamma would call trash but they never really liked any one. Especially themselves. Life for her was within the walls of her high school. But she knew he dreamed of more. You could see it in his eyes. You could see it in how he moved, and talked. There was nothing he wanted more than to be out. Out of the confining life he had lived for the last eighteen years. She just knew it. And one of these days she was going to bite the bullet and not let life pass her by. She was going to say something to him. She just hoped she wouldn't be too late. Every morning they each had the same internal debate and every afternoon they were left to ponder it some more. Each night they asked the same question.

Trouble

Walking to my high school, I had seen hell play out before me. I had seen death in the suicide of a friend, I saw drama played out in sex scandals of my fellow students. And I saw lives fall apart because they'd fallen into the seductive clutches of drugs. I never thought I would have had to deal with it first hand. It hadn't started on the first day of school, nor did it start with a new student. He was one man, he had seen me fall in and out of love, he had seen me cry and laugh, and he had been the cause of it all. Because one day he noticed me. He wasn't the only one, it was difficult not to notice me. I had made sure of that. If I wore jeans, I needed a hanger, and to be lying on my bed to zip them up. If I wore a skirt, I was lucky to get away with it. My shirts were either tight or they exposed more than they probably should have.  He was the true meaning of player, except maybe that one girl could make all of the difference to him, and I had planned to be that chick. I had told you how it hadn't started but now I suppose you would like to know how it did. Of course it started in band. Not at band camp of course, or the football games, and definatley not in class. No this story started in the instrumant storage room. A room almost as infamous as the the drama dressing rooms. He was one of those percussionists, but then again so was I. He caught me before I had started my headlong sprint to class, by my hair. For a long time my hair had always been short, But then it was very long, it could tickle the small of my back and the boys always liked that.
He pulled my hair, and Lord I love that. Ha I promise you I'm not easy. It's just I don't bother to hide. I'll let you know when I'm happy. But at that moment I didn't know who was pulling my hair and I was mad. I had to get to class. I didn't have time for this shit. I turned around to face  him and I decided I would make time for him. "Yeah?" I asked him.
"Where are you going?" He asked in return.
"I'm not going anywhere, if you keep pulling my hair." He smiled.
"Is that a promise?" I couldn't help but laugh.
"You bet." He laughed back. I love a good time. And he would be a good time. The thought had barely fluttered through my head when he dragged me in for a kiss. And Lord was that boy a great kisser! I was up against the instrument lockers before I could register what was actually happening. When the late bell rang he stepped back and set me down on my feet.
"After school?" He asked before walking away. Well it looks like I won't be making it to band practice oh well. Thank God we had been friends for years. I knew he could be impulsive but I never expected him to make a move. We had done our best to avoid this. To ignore all the sexual tension that was split between us. It wasn't as if we never discussed it, we just never acted on it. No matter how much we wanted to. We wouldn't be a sex scandal I make certain of that. I am more discreet than that, I'd make sure it stayed quiet. I hate drama and I know he does but he can't help but cause it. People are just fascinated with him. It's just how he is. He walks into a room and your perception is filled with him. Oh Lord we were Trouble

That is the Question

I don't know anymore we met in college. He's awesome. I love him but...... I could never be truly happy. But with him I could live the life I want. I could stay at home cook large meals and read books all day. I could have the house I want. Yet I wouldn't have children running around because he doesn't want children. I would feel uncomplete. I could have almost everything I want. But the Love I need to be completetly happy isn't there. So where does that leave me to go. A life with out worry but with out the thing I want the most and with out love. Or a life with security, a sound home and some one who will take care of me? Where do I go? He would take care of me, he loves me. Someone else could make me so much happier. I can think of people who could make me happier. I could have the children I want but the security wouldn't be there. Working might be an option but it would probably be manditory. I could love some one else whole heartedly. But not him, I try so hard to make him happy, but he doesn't do the same for me. How can I let hm go? How can I think of leaving? I try to fancy myself the type of girl who would marry for love but, at this point in time I have doubts. Maybe life for girls hasn't changed much in 200 years at least not for me.

High Heels

Even then as I looked at my beautiful high heel shoes, I could not fathom what had just accured. The slick black heels were professional yet completely gorgeous. Some how I had  walked through the door and left the world behind. Our clothes were scattered across the floor in our pursuit of the bed his shoes managed to get to the floor and his socks too. But my shoes were forgotten on my feet. All passion not forotten, it consumed us in the infinate amount of time where we forgot my gorgeous shoes. Now as his chest rises and falls, I kick off my shoes and he drew me closer and I couldn't stop looking I was unable to let him out of my sight. Or even out of my reach, I couldn't bear to let him go. Again we were drawn back to a world only we can reach, my husband and me. I will never let him go. Consumed by his love.

Just Another Day

Here I was with my best friend enjoying the emotions sweeping over me, but they were not in any way over whelming. I embraced these feelings gladly. We both loved cars, played Hallo and loved pokemon. I read books and he watched t.v. he was my best friend and I love him. I had known him since I was 15 and he was 16, ten years later and I still loved him. There I was wrapped in his white sheets with him breathing next to me staring, loving, caring. Whispers could not be heard in the next room over but she was in a heaven of her own and could care less, probably being whispered to as well. The kisses given were quick, light and unforgettable. I looked up and smiled at him almost unable to look away. Yet look away I did, I crawled to the foot of the bed the sheet slliding only to be pulled closer to my chest draping around my shoulders. As I reached I flicked the t.v. on and grabed the hand sets, as he got ready to beat my ass at another round of Hallo. He pulled me closer. It was a habit I guess, pulling out those controlers. And enter a world of slaughter. A place where we love and enjoy being love. As he holds me in his arms with thse sheets wrapped close it's hard to forget I'm loved and by him.His arms around me with our controlers one in front of the other the game begins. And so does the rest of our lives.

What Would You Do Without Me? Part One

Adelle has the right outlook on life. She loves people and can't help but trust them, even if they if they have everything against them. She loves life, and loves to smile. Her laugh never fails to make you smile. Adelle is always curious, she always has a question for you, and they don't always make sense to you. Yet they make perfect sense to her. Even though we don't see eye to eye on life, her internal sun shines through my clouds, and leaves me thinking that life isn't so bad. Adelle has common sense and she thinks before she speaks. She is cautious but yet lives life to the fullest. She hates being alone. She is as loyal as a golden retriever, and she cares about her friends.She can act like an idiot, and tease every boy she sees, but you can't help but understand that that's how Adelle is. Her blond hair reaches past her shoulders and half way down her back, and her brown understanding eyes, convey how much she cares about you. Her high cheek bones show the elegance that still exists in the world, her full lips curve into a smile that can melts ones fears away. Her 5.3 height adds to her charisma. We are not alike. She brings light to my dark mind. My laughter sounds dead compared to the bells that ring when she laughs. Her smile is easily found while mine is lost to most of the world. I tower over her at 5.6 my red hair is not vibrant and has no sheen, it is as dull as the clay below this grass. My green eyes are dead behind the color of life. I speak before I think, I live life without thinking it through. I am lost where she is found. My sanity is in question at times where her lack of is billed as being Adelle. She is quick to give her heart away and reluctant to take it back. Where I am hesitant and easily swayed. She has Shane where I have Will. We are polar opposites yet the same. We both come to each other with questions and we both seek advice from one another. We rely on each other more than you could imagine. I can calm her down with a few quick words, and she can make me smile with just the smallest of looks. She gets lost in the beauty of life. I am bewildered at the disgrace of life. We both love the same movies, books, artwork, and friends. That makes us the same yet very different in this life. She wants to be in the army to protect, serve, and love our country. I am the one who has no clue what I'm going to do. She will end up happy in a world no one thought possible, I will be miserable everywhere I wander. That is unless she is still there to smile with me. Really she is more like my sister than anything else and yet she is far from. She never annoys me like other people with her energy do. Despite all our differences there is something out there that has brought us together.

Just Another Fan Fiction - Surviving Beyond Living

Dear Readers
Over the years thousands of people have produced multiple Harry Potter Fan Fictions. I have decided to count myself among their numbers. You will be able to find My Fan Fiction "Surviving Beyond Living" on My Pages ( when it has been edited and ironed out to my satisfaction) or on my other blog dedicated solely to the Fan Fiction. My main character, Kass Darcie Cambers, she is a Hufflepuff. My fascination with the Hogwarts House began when I was placed there during my Pottermore Sorting. So there you go. I'll probably be filling up this page with random musings for this novella, or perhaps even a novel. On a similar note I will be publishing older random pieces, from a different time in my life. When there were people I could actually share my stories with. Challenge Three! Pick out which stories are my random older pieces! Let me know which ones are your guesses in your comments. Maybe this is my year! You know! Maybe some one will appreciate this blog as much as I do. So Some Random Thoughts Welcome to the World of Harry Potter! Are you ready?
With Love Your Unfazed Author
P.S. The Badger's cute isn't he? I found him online! He wasn't of my creation but I sure wish he was!
P.P. S. This is the one. Freeze Ray. Stops Time. Tell Your friends. - Dr. Horrible

Her Curse

She was a piece of artwork. Her skin was so soft, yet so strong. At first I wasn't sure about her. Who was she to act like that? Like she owned the world. And then I spent a few hours with her, just getting to know her. We talked over what I can't remember now, but it was after that that I understood. She listened, she talked, she laughed, and she wrapped her spell around me I couldn't help but fall into inner chaos. I fell in love with her and I don't know why. It made no sense, none at all. We had a lot in common. Now I see that's just how she is, she reads you and she knows you. In those first few minutes in knowing her she reads into your soul and tells you exactly what you want to hear. She shows you the part of herself that you could love. She's simple enough, her wants were simple, her needs were few, but she was extraordinary. She looked at me and I saw myself as she did. I saw myself as some one worth wanting. She looked at me and saw that I was worth something even when I couldn't see it in myself.  She smiled and I saw true joy, joy that existed because of me. Some how I made her happy, with only a few words. It was never an act, I see that now, its just how she was. She never made you love her. You just saw that she accepted you wholly and loved you for who you were. There in lied her power, she loved you. Like no one ever had before. Like no one ever would again. It was such an innocent simple thing this love. It was her pursuit to happiness. And all I had to do was love her, cherish her, and not abuse her. All I had to do was gain her trust and keep it. All any of us ever had to do was remember that she was human. Yet its that very simple fact we can hardly remember. We see how she saw every other person and we see that she loved them just as she loved us, no different. She loved. How we were in love with her meant nothing, for she simple loved us. Perhaps there had been some one some where that had truly gained her heart, body and soul, but some where along the lines it had been crushed and she was left with broken dreams and life's goal that led no where, for her. She had the power to love but not a heart to give away. She wanted to be happy but she didn't have the key. She had her pick of men and we all loved her, but it was not the one she wanted. I'll never know who he was but if I had I would kill him. Because he deserved to die for hurting her like that. But it was her gift to have men fall in love with her but it was her curse to never let them in.

If only she could see...

She could imagine the disappointment in her mother's eyes. That would be the worst consequence she would face if any of this ever came to light. This twisted secret that she had some how fallen into. All by her own design. She knew exactly what it was  she was getting into, yet instead of turning around and running she raced head on towards her own demise. And it didn't stop at the first time, it didn't stop when her life became jeopardized. In fact it didn't stop at all. The rush was too great, the need was always there, this dark secret. Her desire, and passion led her astray from the path she had struggled so long to follow. What she had done was not who she was. Who was she kidding? There was nothing glamorous, beautiful, or attractive about the life she had chosen to live. And she was a slut. The  men she had fallen into bed with meant a little bit of the world to her, but she meant nothing to them. Nothing but a good time at least. How could she have fallen so low? How could she let this happen to herself? How could she even begin to start over. Who would accept her and her past? So she walked on hoping that for once the past could slip away and that the skeleton's in her closet wouldn't come to life to follow her.
"You could face them."
"Face who?" Did he expect her to confront the few men she had ever loved?
"Your demons." The ones in my head...
"I can't do that. I'm not strong enough, my past has proved that."
"In the past you didn't have me." He said with a smile as he took her hand. She knew as he said it that he was right. She could do it because she had him. He was the factor that didn't exist before. He gave her the hope to become someone else, to become who she had once been. A woman, of strength, power, pride, self assurance, and humility. A woman worth loving.
He saw the thoughts flash in her eyes, if only she could see, she was always worth loving. Even in her darkest moment he had loved her. He wanted nothing more than to be the man worthy of her despite her mistakes, because despite her flaws she was kind loving and selfless. Yes, selfless.He loved her, if only she could see that it is because of her, who she was, is, will be. If only she could see.