turning away and turning back

they taught us how to love
they taught us how to lie
we even learned a trick or two how to say goodbye
there was no chance for us to meet again
they made sure of that
and they made sure we knew there was no way of turning back
we learned what it was like to die
and how to come back to life
a trick we would've never learned if we hadn't been taught to lie
we know how to smile
we know how to cry
these things only come to us when they've said goodbye
they run from their worries
without looking back
they made mistakes all their life
they turned away from what was right
but they taught us hope and faith
those two things they'll never know
and the worst mistake they ever made
was turning away from love

looking for you

don't give up
don't sell yourself short
or settle for less than you deserve
live without worrying what you're missing
because it doesn't fade with time
it only gets better as days fade to weeks
and weeks to months and so on
don't grab at a hopeless case
you're better than that
someone's looking to find you
somewhere that person is missing
someone they don't know yet
you may not know it right away
when they first say hey
but they'll find a way to let you know
you're the best thing to happen to them
you're the one to save them
just as they saved you
they want to see you smile
and hug you just because you are you
they'll be your best friend
they won't replace the ones you have
they'll just wait for you
they won't stop looking for you

Making it Worse to Making it Better

You hold back
because it makes you better
because it makes you stronger
you don't scream
because anyone can do that
you don't cry
because you won't give them the satisfaction
you avoid confrontation
because it gets you no where
because its pointless
your feelings do not matter
not to them
you are an obstacle to overcome
you are expendable
and then they find you
the person who needs you
the person that's just as spent as you are
they will be your voice of reason
and you will be theirs
they will be your stregnth
as you have become theirs
they cry for you
and scream
they donn't hold back
the react for you
they love you
they will hurt and fix you

Living

Trying to figure the world out
Having it come up short
Anger
Hurtful words
Flying towards the walls of stone
We pretend to have
And when they fall
So do our tears
Our defenses and towers gone
All that's left are our insides
Our true selves
Stripped of everything
And what happens then?
You see why we are driven
To stay so strong
For love
For peace
For courage
For life
We live this way merely to survive
And the worst part is
The only ones we're fighting is ourselves
Whether it be family
Or friends
Or our own minds
And when we fall
There's no guarantee of rising again
Whole
Broken
Or none at all

Flying

Lost in a world
You wish you didn't know
Trying to find your way
Looking for yourself
Going from day to day
You never knew you didn't understand
Until the people you loved disappeared like sand
There are billions of grains in this world
But only a few make pearls
If life were better
If wishes came true
If only didn't have to be if only
If we had a hand in our own fate
Life would be different
Life would be harder
But all the better for it
Fate play with someone elses heart
I can't take it anymore
The person I was
Can't last here
I can't change
I need the people who love me
I need to make it just a little longer
I'll fly by the straps of my boots if I have to
And I do

Bad Hands Good Cards

Sometimes you can't understand
Life just deals you the wrong hand
But it makes you stronger
Those bad hands
They break your heart
Yet they build your soul
So take it
Make it
Break it
You always lose before you can win
So lose what will come back
And win what you can't live without
Don't give up
Don't stop trying
Life goes on
So don't forget
Someone's looking to find you
Just keep looking
So they can keep looking for you
Love when you can
And love with all your heart
With all your soul
Love and you'll find your answers
And you"ll get the right cards

Watching The World Go By

A little girl came up to me one day,she stared at me with her gray eyes. Finally she opened her mouth.
"Why do you write?" she asked me. I smiled down on the child, with her thoughtful gray eyes that watched time pass. It was when I was thinking of an answer, that I realized I didn't have paper in my hands, a pen behind my ear, or even ink stains on my hand.
"How do you know I write?" It was the little girls turn to smile.
"It's your eyes, see. They're big, and you watch everyone pass. You sit on this bench everyday. And you smile to yourself." What a smart child she was. I bet her eyes would see more then mine ever would.
"I write to give Ladies knights in shining armour. I write the weather to match your emotions. i write happy endings where I see none. I write love where it should be. I write kindness into the world, and hope to the weak, courage to the strong, and bravery to the heros. I write to live beyond my last day. To be remembered, when all with living memory of me is gone." She sat down next to me, and thoughht about what I had said.
"That's a good reason." she said. And so everyday after that she sat next to me on our bench and we watched the world go by. With a different world playong in our heads. As we smiled to ourselves.

Rain

Love is like waiting for it to rain,
Waiting for it to come,
Waiting for it to end,
Having the joy of knowing eventually it will come,
The joy of standing in the middle of it not wanting to be anywhere else,
Waiting for them to catch up

The Rest Of Our Lives

He'd seen her around but this had been the first time he heard her name, and it fit her. Down to the Halloween socks in May and the huge binder of writing, and the very loved converses with holes that revealed the orange and black monstrosities. He knew her, without actually knowing her. They passed each other every day in the hallway. They smiled at each other every day until graduation. They had friendship with out words but it ended when they left to start the rest of their lives.

Every now and then he thought of her and her smile, but he only remembered her name half of the time. Then one day while walking to work, the faces surrounded him, and one stood out. The day was windy, and the air cold, the sun was hidden in the clouds. Age had written itself on her face, her hair was longer, but her smile hadn't changed. Life had changed her she held her head high, there were bags under her blue eyes. There were crows feet in the corners, from smiling. And through the holes in her converses he saw Easter Egg socks in September. Some things never change, but life always does. It was the last time he ever saw her, and they never traded words, but he realized they were still friends after all that time.

Years later, again life had taken its tole. A church was filled with his children, and grandchildren, and their children. The friends through out his life sat there too. At the alter sat a black coffin, and flowers. Everyone who had ever loved him was there. When the door opened his family turned to look, at the visitor. They saw an old woman with crows feet, and long white hair. She shuffled to the coffin, with one hand leaning on a cane, in the other was an obituary On one foot was a Halloween sock on the other was an Easter sock.

The Next Bell

The courtyard was empty, and the air was warm. The patches of green grass, dripped with water from the sprinklers. The sun beat down on the empty concrete stage. The world was quiet, with the occasional bird or student as they continued on their way. Gym students left the locker rooms and ran through the courtyard as the bell rang. Students and teachers flooded the yard, hurrying to their next destination. Girls rushed to the bathroom, and boys stopped at the water fountain. One girl tripped and her books and papers scattered everywhere. One group of kids dropped a hackey sac off the balcony to their friends below, a teacher having seen the transaction went after the fleeing adolescents. After a few minutes the courtyard began to empty. A few people ran to get to their class, other lingered in conversation or in the sun's rays. One couple shared a sweet kiss before parting separate ways. When the bell broke the peace. Empty again, the yard was still. A few seniors sat under trees doing homework, talking, or playing guitar. A few even played catch across the stage. Eventually even they left to go their own ways. The sun shone down on the finally empty yard, until the next bell.

How long?

I've never been one to throw myself at a boy. They come to me, but they rarely stay. He did though. He let me think that it would be okay, but it never is. You can never believe your heart. You'll end up with tears and a whole bunch of broken pieces. You think this time will be different, he won't hurt you. Oh, but he does, they always do. The question is how much you're willing to take, before he leaves anyway. They leave, whether them to or not. Some you let go, others you try and hold onto. It's nothing new. Not to me. No matter what you hope, no matter what you tell yourself, reality catches up. Are you ready for it? I know, I never am. It's never a game, but it's always love. You don't want to let them in. You don't want to be crushed again, and then it happens. And you can't take it anymore, you lose. I don't need boys, but I need love. I need friendship. Some one to hold me is nice, but not when it's only for a little while. When want to they only want me. They need to always be here. I'm not asking for a dream, I want flaws. I don't want to fix them. I want to just love them for who they are. We keep looking because we have to, we want to be loved. As much as we hurt them we still love them.
"Nicole." We smile at them because they say our names and hold us close. We kiss them to promise them that we'll always be there, if they want to stop looking, but some one might have beaten them to it. We flirt and tease to at least get some fun at getting our hearts broken. We don't die though. We live to see how much more we can take.
How long are you gonna last?

What More Can You Ask For?

Everyday I walk down the stairs of my apartment building with my best friend, as we go to school. He has always been the one who wasn't afraid to be different. He would laugh at all the people who fought to fit in, the people who ignored themselves to try and become some one else. He spoke his mind in controversial descusions, and he always had advice for anyone who wanted it. He has always been the wiser between the two of us, and he has always been the most original. And on that day was just as any other except the fact that it was the first day of junior year. High school had changed nothing for us, middle school couldn't change us, people came and went through both of our lives. We made alot of other friends, but none as close as he and I. There are some people who are just meant to find you, he has always been that someone for me. It's good to know I don't have to look any further for the single most important person in my life. It would be stupid to let him go simply because we were in high school. He was best friend. what more could I ask for?

A Brief Memory

Life has taken crazy turns with me. I lived a life, adventurer's would pull their teeth out to lead. I learned to love, I've learned to cry. I've learned everything has a reason, even when we die. I've forgotten what youth was like, yet I see it everyday, I remember how everything was carefree back in those old days. Life was simpler, pictures black and white, you didn't wear blue jeans to school, and you only had one phone. I raised three children, and I married young, yet I've traveled the world, and I've never been alone. My grandchildren, come and see me, in the house my husband built, they listen to our stories, with wide excited eyes, even though the youngest is only 15. I see myself in all of them, and my husband on their minds. Even though the years pass since he has been gone, he hasn't really left not 'till I am gone. My memory fades, and moving is hard to do, my sight is pitiful and my hearing bad. But what can I do? Age is something I live with, as do we all, I have learned the wisdom of years long gone. I look around and see evidence of the life that I have made, I know that one day, all it's glory will fade. And my life just a brief memory.

Bridges

"The hardest thing in life is knowing which bridge to cross and which to burn."

Selene's friends called her an old soul, a deep thinker, she is the one they know will always be there. She comes up with all kinds of things, stories, songs, and most of all she has a way of saying the best things. She'd never just tell you what you want to hear, and she'd never just tell you what you need to hear, she has a way of saying the stuff that helps you continue on. Her wide green eyes, are a comfort to see, because you would know she was thinking. She would smile and you know she was gonna have a plan. She thought of all kinds of different things. She laughed at the weirdest things, she cried at all the good movies, and she hid behind her hands in the scary ones. She jumps at simple things, and can remain motionless for a blood slaughter. She picks her battles with care, and she is hard to beat. She is passionate, loving, and fearless, when it comes to everyone else, she puts herself second. She doesn't care what people think. And when she falls for someone she falls hard. In these three things are her greatest flaws. She hates letting go, she hates to be beaten. She doesn't regret anything, she moves on. There are no mistakes in life, only unconscious decisions. Everyday is lived for the next, everyday lived to the full extent of life. For Selene there is no such thing as regret.

Happiness

She stood tall, her long hair twirled around her, the colours rippling with each gust of wind. Her deep brown eyes stared down at the scene before her, they seemed to be burning with an intensity too similar to actual flames to be any sort comfort, yet it was her presence that indeed brought comfort. Her lips held a sad smile, as she looked at the people that surrounded her. White scars covered her tanned skin, they ringed around her neck into a collar that she seemed to bare proudly, a medal of honour of sorts, they looked as if they had been clawed into her skin. They reached down her neck until they laced her collarbones. It was likewise around her wrists. Her dress too was dragged with the wind, the black stood out against the scene around her. Jewelry could not be seen. When she finally moved from her stance, she moved with an unmatched grace, speed and strength. As she moved her bare feet avoided the soil that seemed to bleed, she avoided all the people that had already fallen. Her eyes were locked on him. He stood, feet apart, shoulders squared, his face tired. His eyes stared at her in wonder. As she ran to him, time slowed for the both of them. Everything he'd been through, instantly went through his mind, everything she had to give up was remembered. All the minutes spent waiting for this moment, all the times she had pictured this one event, all the feeling she thought she would've had, were no comparison to what she was actually feeling. A smile of triumph spread across her lips. Around her lay the destruction of death, before her stood a pawn of the men who asked for nothing but war. He was the best. As she raced near, she began to slow, when she came to a stop before him, he looked down and just smiled. She was the one to save him, save him from all he'd done. Every drop of blood he had ever spilled would be wiped away with this moment. She would release him from the destruction he was trained to create, and he was glad of it. He would be free of himself, and others would be free of him. She reached out to touch him, her hand rested gently on his face.

"What have you done to deserve this?" she asked her voice was filled with everything she felt, with the months, days, seconds, she wasted thinking of him. Only in his head could he actually answer. Nothing. He thought, if he could live his life over, he would not change a thing. Everything he had done brought him there, to that moment, and that moment was all that mattered. It was moments like that, that made a life worth living. That made everything he'd done bearable. "If you let everything you've done destroy you, there will be nothing left for me." Her face changed from a smile, to a searching stare, her eyes overflowed with worry. His face still unchanged, as he thought through the words she'd spoken. Slowly a smile slid across his face, a silent solitary tear fell down her face as she too smiled. Death surrounded them, him being the cause, but it didn't seem to matter. She forgave him and that was all that mattered. He knew he would have to face the repercussion eventually. Fate would see to that. But she would find a way to fight fate, she had proven that by just being before him. Fate had promised him no one would ever love him, and she did. Fate said he would be nothing, if he was not asked to destroy. And yet here she was offering him everything. She too had seen enough of destruction, she had been the cause enough times but she had changed on her own. She walked away first she walked away from him, she walked away for him. She surrendered to him, and he let her walk away. He never thought she would come back. Not without it being his dying breaths. And he wasn't on his knees yet. Her hand was still on his face, the sun was beating down over head, and there they stood. They were alive against the odds, she loved him against all the odds. I don't deserve her, he thought, looking down at her. What did I do to deserve her?

"It's time we got out of here." she said, her smile widened. He kissed her hand and held it in his own. As she turned to walk away, she didn't let go. He thought that moment could have lasted forever. This moment of happiness, but it didn't. He saw it happen too late. There was nothing he could have done. One minute she was standing, the next she was on her knees. He looked around, until he saw the man responsible. He caught her before she fell completely, she looked at him and smiled, a knowing smile. Her eyes were watery, her skin slowly paled. Happiness did exist, but not for him. She was proof of that, he had for the briefest moments before she was gone. He had seen the life they could of had. She saw the life she did have. She looked at him and saw the tears he didn't realize were running down his face. She saw the way he regretted all the horrible things he'd done, she saw the love in his eyes. Gently he picked her up in his arms and carried her away from all the other bodies until they were alone. He sat down still holding her in his arms, They sat there for hours, as she slowly disappeared. When the hours faded, when she was gone. He couldn't believe it. He gently laid her on the ground, he stood up looked once more at her, and he walked away. He knew what he was going to do, what he had to do. He did look back, and then he was gone.