Lunch Time

His stomached rumbled in anticipation as he walked up to the battered front door. Burbled laughter invaded the quiet winter air, from inside the house. The man smiled to himself at the care free sound, which was followed by the deep howl. When he opened the door he was greeted by his favorite grey monstrosity his wife called a dog. Around the corner, his smiling children came running, laughing at whatever it is children laugh about when conspiring together. "Daddy!" His little girl cried, her little eyes twinkling and every golden girl bounced with each twittering movement. He swept her up into his arms for one of their bear hugs, as her older brother took their father's hand and together the troublesome trio ventured into Mother's domain. At the sight of pb&j sandwiches the children abandoned their father to appease the grumbly monster in their tummies.

"Hello beautiful" With his hands on her waist he kissed her neck and watched curiously as she made his Reuben sandwich.

"Hey there." Together they sat down at the table with their children. As he ate, he listened to the whispers of their children, and watched his wife pick at her own sandwich.  Dark rings framed her honey colored eyes. Those striking eyes held his and a smile grew on her face. She always did that. He would worry and she would just smile. The world around them stopped, the kids might as well have been on mute with the rest of the world. All that mattered was her. They were going to fight until the end,  just like they always had. It's simply who she was. 

He didn't know how to help her eat when she could barely stand the smell of food. Morning sickness always did that too her. And those rings around her eyes were just too dark , she needed sleep she was restless at night and exhausted during the day. But they would survive, they always did. Her smile grew a little brighter when their children ran from the table, talking about some mystical far away land, no doubt they had built in the den with couch cushions. This was what living was, sharing life with her.
"Finish your lunch dear, before you're late getting back to work" she said before biting into he own lunch.

Novel

I put my unfinished NaNoWriMo up here on my pages bar (:

One Word

NaNoWriMo. That is all. (:

Second Best

"Why don't you ever call me?" She asked.
"I'm busy honey."
"You text me but you never call."
"Texting is easier."
"No. You call her." He simply looked at her, she took a step back away from the intensity of his gaze.
"And?" He saw the tears in her eyes but it meant nothing. Maybe they would have made some impact if she hadn't been complaining in his eyes.
"You're my boyfriend." The possession in her voice only irritated him more.
"She's my best friend, and the only reason you're my girlfriend is because she's gone. You're second best compared to her. And the best compared to everyone else."
"You're an ass."
"You're a bitch. I like you but she's better."
"Then why are you with me? If I'm such a bitch."
"Because I like you when you're not complaining. When you're cool."
"You mean when I let you do what you want?"
"When you're not bitching and moaning about some rumor about us.There are always going to be rumors, and they are always wrong. She tried to tell you. You just called her crazy."
"She texts you everyday!"
"I text her first."
"What the fuck?" She screamed. "What the fuck?"
"She's my best friend."
"What am I?"
"Second best."
"That's it?"
"Yeah."
"Bye." Walking away, she cried, and waited for him to say something. When she turned back he was gone. She only cried harder. Every time she saw him it hurt, every time he saw her, he thought about the irl he breathed for and how it wasn't the girl who walked away.

A Love Twisted Cruelly

The shy knock was deafening, for it held desperately onto the disappointed air. The printed letter was delivered over the threshold. A unformed ending, the ink made of nothing but lies and both women knew it. One of which wanted nothing more than to forget, while the other wanted nothing more than to remember. The girl's tears fell to wash away the shame. The older woman longed to reach out and hold the broken, weary, girl before her, and cry along with her, to say sorry for what was being done, what had to be done, and above all what had to happen.A deed done out of love, the steep price was going to be paid in full. This girl before her asked her for nothing but her help. Yet out of shame, desperation and disappointment she was turned away  to walk into the fading rain. To hope justice would be done for this lovely girl; one silent tear fell for the girl who had been treated as a daughter. The typed words meant everything, but the feelings behind them were hallow and were in fact nothing, a sham, an act to please the world. The ever present audience. The young woman, once off the steps looked over her shoulder for the briefest moment, her face was proud even as te tears mingled with the rain sliding down her cheek. She smiled sadly, and raised her hand in a final farewell. She turned again to walk away from a home that still loved her, a home she still loved. A place the world demanded to turn out the daughter they'd taken in. Holding her head up high she walked on to take on the world at it's worst. She dared the world to stop her.

I Pray...

A smile for the world to see
The sunshine a simple fantasy
A constant rain washes the pain away
All the while I pray
For nothing
I dream of an escape
From my ill twisted fate
Of broken promises
And monster wearing human faces
The war I wage is silent
Denial, rebellion, and pain
Somehow my heart stays intact
As the shell is ripped away
Each new slit a thrilling victory, a new promise made
One day the end will come
How I wish it were today
But somehow I hold back
To last a little longer
Why? I ask myself
But I don't know
Each breath
A painful blow
When will it end?
This pain?
When I am dead?
No.
When you're with me.

What We Were

Do you remember?
Do you remember someone like me?
Do you remember me?

From all those years ago,
When once upon a time meant happily ever after,
When we were friends,
When that meant forever,
When life was simple,
We were learning who we were,
Becoming who we are,
What chances we dared to take,
When mistakes were all we seemed to make.

When we were young,
Do you remember me?
We were friends,
Until the end.

You had a smile to light the town,
I had everything that mattered,
I had friends like you,
We were a family,
Split apart,
Forced to Depart.

We tried to hold on,
To last to the end,
But we faded away,
Look at what we were!

Another Love Story

Like so many love stories theirs started with a kiss, but unlike those many others their's was not one of passion or rather passion they shared for each other, at least at first.

When it began, he hadn't seen her smile for so long. They had been friends for years, it was as if there wasn't a time before he knew her.

His day at work had been much longer than he could have imagined, and he was looking forward to much needed sleep even if it was only five in the evening. His knee was killing him as he walked across the lot to his car, and there she was sitting on the hood of his car, smiling exactly how he remembered her. She was waiting for him, and with that thought he could smile back at her even after he day he had. He walked right up to her until they were toe to toe He felt her happiness as she threw her arms around his neck, picking her up he spun her around making her laugh. God, how he loved that laugh, it really was carefree.

"I've missed you." She whispered in his ear just before he set her down. He felt her smile against his ear as she said it.

"I've missed you too." He replied as he fought at the emotions he prayed had died. "How'd you get here?"

"I walked silly." He chuckled. He missed how simple she made her complicated life, for her there was only today. There was right and there was wrong. She didn't always do what was right but she never really tried to justify her actions. But most of all she loved as she pleased, if ever she said I love you, one could count on her to mean it, always. She said it a lot but it never diminished the meaning of the words. She did love you.

"Have you eaten yet?" She shook her head and he chuckled again softly. "Alright neither have I. How does pizza sound?"

"Sounds good, as long as I get to have one to myself." She said laughing at her own joke, although she hadn't been kidding at the whole pizza he knew all too well that she could eat that much and did on a daily business. That she had such a high metabolism just wasn't fair. It was just like old times as they got into his car.

He looked over at her and saw her smiling at him, again he smiled back at her, as he tried to remember how to start the car. After a second of feeling like he was back in middle school he manage to turn the key. He was grateful she pretended to be oblivious, just as she always did whenever she remembered his crush on her. He knew she didn't return that particular feeling, but there was an undercurrent that was more than affection, he also knew that she needed him. She needed the friendship they shared, being simply friends. There was no one else like him in her life and he knew it.

" Hey my parents aren't home, they're in Michigan visiting my sister. Do you mind?"

"No, of course not. I trust you. Your parents won't mind?"

"They love you."

"That doesn't answer the question, but that's good."

"Okay they trust you more than they trust me so yeah they'll be okay with it."

"They trust me? Wow. Haven't heard that in awhile." As they drove on he though of why he loved her, how he missed how she didn't feel the need to prattle on endlessly just to fill the silence. How they loved the same music and books. How she just understood. She took him for what he was and didn't hold it against him.

"What kind of pizza do you want?"

"Did you really just ask that?"

"Meat lovers then?"

"Of course!"If nothing else they were friends because of their mutual love of food. Not that you could tell that by looking at either of them. 

"Okay." He said laughing some more. " I'm gonna change and then I'll call in our order." He siad as they pulled into his driveway, he opened his front door  and was glad that his parents left that morning. Since he had worked all day the house was still clean. Then he heard her phone ring.

"Hey, I have to take this." With a smile she slipped out the back door, she waved at him as the glass door slid shut before turning to face the pool. He smiled weakly back at her before he turned to race up the stairs grabbing the handset as he went.

It didn't take him long to change into clothes he could only assume were clean,and call their favourite pizza place for two large meat lovers. Bounding down the stairs, he was glad to see she was still on the phone. He watched as she paced back and forth out of habit and how she talked with her only free hand. He watched her laugh and make faces at whoever she was talking to. Smiling to herself she hung up and headed to the door. It was then that she noticed him.He opened the door with a smile.

"Thanks. How long were you standing there?" She asked as the door clicked shut behind her.

"Only a few seconds. I can't believe you still talk with your hands." He was surprised to see her blush, before he recalled how self conscious she was.

"Yeah. I do..." She said with a shy smile.

"You up for a game of Halo?"

"You'll win."

"Just like old times then." He replied as she playfully punched him. Well it was playfully light to her, but it would leave a bruise. He never understood how a girl as little as her could punch so hard. Jumping over the back of his couch he feigned impatience as she walked around grabbing the controllers as she went. Gently she tossed on to him as she sank down into the cushions. It was in moments like that, that he was reminded of just how small she really was. She always seemed bigger, her personality filled the entire room.In a way it made it impossible for him to describe her as fragile but she was perhaps more so than he had ever imagined.

As he navigated them through the matches the distance that had separated them and all those years spent apart disappeared. It was as if nothing had happened at  all. But then again he saw everything that had changed. She was more subdued when she lost, she wouldn't throw a pillow at him, she didn't yell at her controller as loud or as often as she had done in the past. But she was just as ridiculously competitive if not more so. She didn't die nearly as much as she used to and she had more kills in the end than he did which was almost a hit to his ego.

When the doorbell rang they both forgot their game and raced the the door. Grabbing her waist right as they got to the front hall he picked her up and held her feet off the ground, laughing she opened the door taking the pizza as he gave the pizza guy the money. They shut the door laughing so hard they were just a bout crying.

"Will you put me down?" Her tone was no longer laughing, something was on her mind, but he knew better than to ask. Once upon a time she had been taller than him, now he was almost a foot taller than her 5'3". She set the boxes down on the counter as he set her feet back down on the floor. Before he knew what had happened she wrapped her arms around him it was just like what it used to be yet so much more. There was something new, it was as if she didn't want to let go.  He hugged her back, holding her close.

" I really missed you." She said into his shirt, her nose buried into the cotton, he smelled good, so good.

"I really missed you too." She smiled into his shirt, she loved the way she could feel the rumble of his voice. She adored how deep it had become. She looked up at him and her smile only grew.

Impulse took over, before he could stop himself he kissed her. On her toes she stretched up to meet him.  She'd known that this would happen and even though she knew the consequences she didn't dare stop nor did she want to. I don't want to hurt him, she thought, I love him too much.She smiled, and at the smile he felt on her lips he deepened the kiss and she felt her mind slip away as she relaxed into his arms.

He picked her up again but this time he sat her down on the counter, she hooked an ankle around his knee and ran her fingers through his hair.

She pulled away to look at him in the eyes. "I think the pizza can wait."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I like where this is going." He just stared at her, he couldn't believe his ears. He could have sworn his mind was playing tricks on him. But his mind wouldn't be kissing his neck. "Unless you're hungry."

"Not anymore." She smiled as he picked her up and carried her to the couch. He sat down and held her in his lap. She looked embarrassed, and he remembered how old fashioned she could be at the worst and weirdest of times, but the look only lasted a second before it was gone.

Curiosity of what could happen tool over her mind, she had always lobed him but never in a romantic way. Could this change that? Had it already? She knew it hadn't, nor could it. He was a conquest, a lovable conquest. Did she really want to ruin what they had? Would doing this ruin it? She loved everything about him but she wasn't in love with him. They could be happy together, but they were missing one crucial thing sheer physical attraction.

Why was she here? Why was she doing this? In the past she had made it perfectly clear that they were just friends.Whispering against her skin he broke the silence between them. "Why are you here with me?"

"Because I want to be." Her voice was clear he knew she had no doubts but he still did.

"There are a lot of other guys you could be with. Guys you have been with, and you can honestly say that you'd rather be here with me?"

"Yes, there are other guys I could be with right now. But I don't want to be with them, or even drink tea with them at the moment. Okay? When they see me I am nothing more than a game, and they are little more than that to me. They want nothing more than some one to get between the sheets, and not have a relationship beyond that. When you see me I am a friend, and equal, I am a person to you. I have feelings and thoughts and you see that. I'm not a toy to you. You know I can break. I mean something to you. That's why I'm here." She crawled off his lap to the other side of the couch. He reached for her, to pull her back. "Dammit don't touch me." He pulled her back anyway and she let him. "I don't want to take advantage of you." She wouldn't look at him. He knew if he let her think anymore this moment would be over and she'd never give him another chance. Gently he turned her head and kissed her softly and then her mind succumbed. She gave in and the night ended in his bed with his arms around her and a new beginning for them both. The perfect man for her was the one who was there all along. Who would have thought he was the perfect man for her?

College

Dear Readers,
I know in the past I have not been consistent with post, but recently I have gotten much better and posted quite a bit more. I hope you're not too used to it now. I have already gone through my first few days of college and college band and I'm not sure how all of this is going to work just yet. So bear with me please, and hopefully I make it worth your while. (: You know I really love to see that my views are going up and I hope you come back. Ya'll make me feel special and appreciated. And thank you to all of my friends who support me (and actually read this). Writing is my outlet for stress and hard feelings, and with some of the past days I've had this has been my only solace. I may not be the best writer in the world but I try to get better. Thanks for sticking with me so far.
Sincerely Your Author

Condemned By Herself

Sitting by myself. Not unusual. Yet not common. That one person, always there, yet never around.If you looked at me, you would see some one, a girl sitting by herself. My brown hair brushing across my shoulders. My deep red sweater some what to big. Around my too thin frame, I try to eat, I really do but to no avail my stomach heaves at any kind of food. Here I sit, hunched over my computer, book, or my beautiful piano. If the piano, I sit on the mahogany bench at my grand piano, if my computer or book on my hardwood floor. Nothing but the piano, the mattress, the computer, and a stack of books were in my room. The closet sits there with almost nothing inside, jeans, my blue sweatshirt, my red sweater and my white t-shirts, and my white cami. All that was in my room save the one thing that matters, the phone.  My single lifeline to sanity. WIth his voice not that far away. He visits when he can but he can not risk being exposed to being sick. His health cannot be affected. I love him but my he will not see my last breath.

Annabel Lee First&Second Stanza

Dear Readers, One of my favourite American authors is none other than Edgar Allan Poe. Though his stories are a shade darker than most of the ones that I attempt I do love his way with words. I am not alone in my admiration, I share it with one of my dear friends, Jake. I even let him borrow my full collection of Poe's work (he wrote in my book). Obviously he is now banned from borrowing any of my books ever again. But Annabel Lee is one of my personal favourites and as we discussed here is a story dedicated to him. Jake here is the story I promised you. We discussed a modern day Poe Poem, or rather a short based on his poem. I hope you enjoy it! Sincerely Your Author.

It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of ANNABEL LEE; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me. - Edgar Allan Poe, Annabel Lee

She walked along the wall of the Castillo de San Marcos and looked out over the river. The tourists and locals filled the otherwise silent air. As the constant humidity coated her skin. The overly warm air felt fantastic. She skipped across the coquina, with her shoes in hand. She loved the feeling of the rough rock against her feet. Most people could barely stand the stone made of small shells. You aren't supposed to walk across the wall, but every one does. Couples sit on the wall, parents try and keep their kids off of it, and annoying middle school kids bothered everyone there.
"Hey Leigh!" she looked back at him and smiled. It was her teasingly playful smile. It always promised just enough and still left you hoping for more. Her eyes were alight with mischief and a passion he had never seen anywhere else. She ran and jumped off the wall, hair flying, smiling, even as he caught her. "God! Why do you that to me?"
"Silly, I know you'd never let me fall." She said as he put her on her feet. She hugged him before running off to Lord knew where, laughing as she went. A thing she'd been doing since she was little, and he knew it meant she was upset. She would sit there and pretend everything is alright, but as soon as she got the chance she would come here or go to the beach. She would laugh and hide any tears even from him.
"Get back here," he called, before running after her. It wasn't long before he caught her, making them tumble to the ground laughing. They sat there for a bit perfectly content as he held her. "Whats wrong Leigh?" She turned away from him and just sat there in silence. But her silence said it all, she wasn't ready to tell him. He knew if he bid his time he would eventually tell him and they would get through it just as they always did. "Come on. I'll take you to the beach." She beamed up at him, and her eyes were filled with a love that matched his own. He was the single most important part of her life just as she was in his. He helped her up and they walked passed her motorcycle to his truck. Once they got to the beach they laughed and played in the sun and he watched her forgot her troubles for a few hours. Over the years she had come to depend on him and he had never let her down. She knew without a doubt that he was the only man she could ever truly trust. No matter what, he would always be there and that thought alone got her through her darkest moments.

I was a child and she was a child, In this kingdom by the sea; But we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my Annabel Lee;With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven Coveted her and me

His soul consumed her as they kissed, as his hand traced her bare skin, and her fingers laced through his blonde curls. He could taste her smile and her sadness. When he opened his eyes for a brief moment he could have sworn he saw fear flash in her electric blue eyes. She laid there with him in the sand wrapped in his love and the light of the sun. They were not alone on the beach but no one seemed to notice the couple in sand. And for an afternoon there was no one else in the world. No words passed between them, they didn't need them. She could feel his heart beat against her own skin, and she could feel the words he longed to say. His hand that engulfed her own told her how he would stand by her. The arm around her protected her from the world, and for herself if she ever needed him to. Her head was tucked beneath his chin was adorning. They didn't need words, they never really had. She never had to hear the words “I love you”, they were there in every moment in every breathe, and the were never said.
He would wait for her to arrive at school, he would sit on the tailgate on his truck, reading, studying or whatever it was that he did. When the practice first started the many people who thought of him as a friend would join him. After many months they found that even though he smiled at them and joked, he was merely going through the motions, for he truly did not come alive until she would pull up in the spot next to his, on her black motorcycle. Eventually the crowd thinned over time until it was just him there waiting for her. Seraphina and Evangeline would sit at the schools entrance watching him. They would glare as he draped an arm over her shoulder as the couple would walk in together. The two girls would come up with ways to split up Bobby and Anna knowing it would never work. They saw that for him there was only her and how they hated that. They were beautiful in their own rights but to him they could not compare to his Leigh.
As soon as the couple stepped in school they would be surrounded by their friends, and they would walk to class and enjoy their free time before the bell rang. Bobby and Anna would be in the middle of the crowd and yet they were apart. As if they were in their own bubble. Bobby was one of the finer guys at their school, and Anna knew it. His bright green eyes, broad shoulders, washboard abs, and his 6'5 stature, made sure of that. But it wasn't just that, it was his character too that set him apart from the crowd. He never went out of his way looking for attention but as it is with all like able men people were drawn to him. It also didn't hurt that his best friend was a little firecracker. Anna was petite compared to any one let alone Bobby. Her skin tanned lightly and her jet black hair was nearly always braided, and even then it hung down past her waist. She definitely had an hourglass figure though it was slender and she stood at a petite 5'3. They were a strange pair, but they fit. Evangeline and Seraphina saw what the two had and how they hated Anna for it. They couldn't face their own jealousy, because a small part of them liked her. So they settled on convincing themselves that she didn't deserve him.

Fallen

Never would I have thought that I could sink this low. That I could bare to see myself come to this, not that I didn't enjoy every single solitary moment of it. Yet it still eats at my very soul it doesn't entirely destroy me, but it was very much below me. Even in this society, I could be considered a slut, a whore. Just like in olden days long past, the days we thought we had evolved from. We thought we had overcome but yet here we are with the same principles they had. Even in this twisted world codes and chivalry still apply. So here I am a fallen woman. By the terms of those who looked down their noses at people who do not fit in their society due to birth, rank, job, money etc. So here I am with a dirty secret in my heart yet a golden thought in my mind.. A smile on my lips, and a beautiful feeling from my toes to the top of my head, The feeling making me giddy. I giggle at nothing and am rewarded by looks from my peers the ones who love to develope fantasies to ruin my life with rumors, lies that eat up their souls. I could never be one of those girls who could care less what people sat about me. Yet neither does it eat me a live to know what they are saying. With him to smile at and to receive a smile in return is rewarding always. Then to feel his breath on my neck in between classes, and his hand on my hip as me walk to class, and the taste on his lips when we are alone. These are thoughts I cannot forget. We have been dating for years some how it feels perfect being there with him, my skin still crawls in delight when he touches me and he has been touching me for years. Holding my hand hugging me till I choke, catching me when I fall. All that and more. There is nothing that can happen to take me awa not even him. For he could never do it, and he never would, my voice is just as addicting to him as his to mine. I still whisper sweet nothings in his ear as he says them aloud for all to hear at lunch he mouths "I love you." and I return the saying meaning every syllible. So where does that leave me? The whore? or the lover?

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!

And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow--

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less gone?

All that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand--

How few! yet how they creep

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep--while I weep!

O God! can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Is all that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

The Refrain

Nothing is ever new

These words

You've all heard before

The message

All the same

As if our thoughts

Could truly be tamed

The refrain

You hear so often is

Hope

Love

Life

So often we refuse to take a chance

We refuse to jump

The unknown frightens us

Invites us

And entices us

So how could our words be anything

Other than the known?

How can we venture

When we never

Dream of what

There could be

But of what is

So often

We look at people and

We never say the things on our

Hearts

Minds

Souls

We let life pass us by

Most of us are trapped

Behind a life

We are condemned to lead

That we are expected to lead

We hate to disappoint

Especially ourselves

So let's jump

Together

Into Life

Every Thing to Lie For

I live a lie

With all my heart

My best friend

Never knew me

In the dark

Behind the veneer of deception

Inspiration bred

Of a desperate motivation

A love

That never was

That never will be

If only it could be

Things would be easy

We would be happy

If only you 

Would see

Me

For the lie

I live

For you

For us

Forever

A truth

You'd never dream of

Unseen

For an eternity

I hope

I wish

That you

Never see

The monster

You love

The one behind

The charade

That would break your heart

I love you

Anyway

Even if it means nothing

I 

Mean

Nothing

But

You 

Mean 

Everything

In Memory Of...

Our friendship would be hard to describe. You probably meant more to me than I did to you, but that's okay. I loved to you. Thank you for listening all those times when I called upset over something or someone. Thank you for making me smile and giving me advice and insight I could actually use. Thank you for being my friend. We shared stories, secrets and jokes. We put up with each other when we both did some crazy sh*t. I'm sad to say goodbye, you'll always be with me, at the back of my mind. I'll keep the memory alive. No one deserves to be forgotten especially some one like you. You were a joy to know. I loved our riveting discussions. One week ago you were taken from us, but you will never leave us. Scott Milton, you are still very dearly loved. Rest in Peace sweeite.

Morning Run

Her feet hit the pavement, and the wind brushed over her skin. The sun tried to blind her as she pushed on. Not ready to stop even as breathing became more and more difficult. Running towards something and running from herself. It was wrong, yet it was so right. Each step brought back a memory of a very different rythym. She smiled at herself and pushed on until the sweat dripped down her face, down her back. Her mind was at peace, the internal silence was so wonderful compared to its normal blather. She didn't know what it was but when it came to running she could just let all of her thoughts go and all there was was the next moment, the next step, the next breathe. She was never more in-tuned to herself than while she was running. She never questioned the emptiness she felt while she was running because it wasn't there. Her anger and grief could just fade away to where there was nothing but contentment and the need to carry on. Running was not her only pleasure it was just the only guilt free one. It's the simple things in life that keep us going and sometimes that's never more than a morning run.

In Owning Nothing!

My one and only attempt at a play! Written with the help of a very dear friend about for years ago.  Coming soon! On it's very own Page! (Links are to the Pages are in the bar that runs along under blog title). I still have a little tweaking to do! So keep an eye out for it! Sincerely Your Author

Happy Anniversary!

Well belated... It's been three years here on this blog. And yeah I know some years have had less updates than others but I'm trying. And yeah the fan base hasn't increased. But we're working on that right? For instance some one from Germany  found my blog! I hope they liked it and I hope they'll come back. I hope you do too! I may not be funny or goofy or incredibly deep. But I do have a very singular way of looking at the world. I'll share it with you if you would like to hear it. If you keep coming back. You never know I might just surprise you.

Surviving the Monsters

WARNING Mature Content (Violent Innuendos)

She never asked "Why me?". She looked him in the face, and refused to back down. As if he was just a child who done wrong. As if all it took was a few words. His arrogance turned to confusion and then again into anger. He saw no fear in her eyes. The rush he felt from the power of fear did not exist. Who was she to deny him that power?

"You won't shoot me." Her voice was calm and confident, her tone reminded him of his aunt when she spoke to a bad puppy, stern but gentle.

"Don't talk down to me!" He fumed closing his  eyes and clenching his free hand. He could feel his anger go through is body with each heart beat, and he felt the power in his rage.

"Then don't look down on me." And then the rage was gone.

"I should kill you right now." He wouldn't meet her gaze he stared at the gun in his hand instead of her. She waited, she didn't flinch or run.

"You can't. You won't" She knew to him it sounded confident but inside she was wondering why she was betting her life on it.

"Why the hell not?"

" You don't see fear in my eyes. You see pity. You won't look at me. You have my life in your hands but you don't have power over me. If it ended now the last thing I would know of this world is pain and pity. It will haunt you to see empty eyes and feel the pity I have for you. Who are you to be feared?"

"I am the one with the gun lady!"

"I am not afraid of death. Are you?" She saw him blink at the question and that was enough for her to know he did.

"Shut up."

"Death is not the scariest thing in this world. I die and all the scary things go away, I don't have to be here anymore." She couldn't help but double over when his fist met her stomach. The air was gone from her lungs, but she wasn't done yet.

"You haven't seen scary." She wasn't done yet no matter what he thought.

"You are not a monster. You may have done some terrible things, but you are still a man."

"You're stupid."

"You think so?"

"You won't shut the hell up!" She saw the next hit coming and the next. "You aren't afraid to die? I"ll make you beg for the bullet. You're going to want to die. And then you will."

He was brutal and merciless in his effort to hurt her. He reveled in her screams and held her down to witness his victory. He conquered her body but when he pulled her broken body up to look into her eyes he saw nothing. She gave no hint to how she felt no anger, fear, or even pity. There was only a fire that burned his soul. He had never felt regret until this moment. Even when she cried out she was strong. She looked away when she couldn't move but she didn't cry. She called out for help and screamed but no one came. He could barely see the green of her eyes they were swollen shut and her pretty lips were bleeding. Her nose was too. Her collar bone and wrist snapped easily and that wasn't even the half of it.

"I will survive." He wouldn't win, she owed that to herself. "You think you're the first? You think you're the worst. I was wrong you are a monster but even monsters need to be afraid of the dark." He let go of her hair and watched her body collapse, her skull bounce of the ground. Then he couldn't stop running until he was safe. From what he didn't know. The light in her eyes had been strength, it scared him. But what scared him more was that the pity was gone. He was a monster. He deserved to die. But death was so easy so final. She was right again death ended the suffering.

Slowly she propped herself up on her good wrist, and wrapped herself up in the jacket he had torn off of her. It smelled of Dean, he would be home worried. He didn't like her working here downtown but sometimes you just don't have a choice when you're a grad student. The soldier that Dean was, he always wanted to protect her, and knowing that he failed would hurt him. But at least she was alive. She could get through everything else because she survived.

Dean watched over her as she slept in the hospital. She had told him what had happened and he cried with her holding her hand all the while. He stepped out of the room and listened to the phone line ring until an old friend picked up. He told the same story she had told the cops earlier, only this enforcer followed a different set of laws.

The next morning she woke up to Dean watching the news, and there was a pitiful creature made to be an example by the monsters.

The Huntsman and His Fair Maiden Chapter One

She opened her eyes to see the world around her. Hidden from the skies by a ceiling of emerald leaves on the trees. Her bed was on the softest moss in the enclosed meadow. The sweet perfume of dew and fresh flowers was better than any stuffy cold stone room filled with manipulated flowers with more beauty than fragrance. Her pillow that she slept on was better than any goose down pillow and it was the arm of her lover. He heard her sigh, a sigh of contentment and yet sadness. They both knew that this could not last. This happiness, there was just too much separating them. They were lovers, but he knew it was not true love, not eternal love. Their's could not with stand the age of time and the struggles of hardship. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. It was doom, that made their love beautiful.

"We must get you back m'Lady." She felt his deep voice against her hair.

"Hush... Not yet." Yet she sat up anyway. Her ebony hair felt as soft as silk as he ran his hands through it, and as he did she leaned into his other hand that cupped her chin. How she wished this moment could last forever. He felt her eyes on him as he stood up and pulled on his leather pants and vest, those of a hunter.When he sat back down to dawn his boots she took them from him, and completed the lowly task herself. When she looked up to meet his eyes, she saw the love in his eyes. He took her hands and as he stood up he pulled her up with him. He tied her corset around her, and slipped the cool silk skirts over her skin. Until at last she no longer looked like a lover but that of a princess. He wrapped his own cloak around her, his quiet way of telling her he cared. Her snow white hand held his tan calloused one as they walked to where the horses were tethered. As they rode back to their prison of lies they enjoyed the sun and the taste of adventure. As her own mare thundered into the stable she let out a rebel yell of victory. He followed closely behind laughing.

Scott and Lara: Part One

Humming to himself, Scott sat at the edge of the creek. The water trickled along on its journey to its end. Like we all are in our own way. His brown hair held sweet curls, his muddy brown eyes a certain sparkle, and he stood alone in a crowd. With his strange quiet way he was a black sheep in his family, but they loved him. They loved the way he was a gentleman and how he stood by watching the world seeing it in all his beauty. He never said much but when he did you listened. That day he was humming songs he remembered hearing while growing up, songs of love, war, sacrifices and happy endings. Getting up he walked to school, just like he did every day. Passing by the same places he saw every day of his life, he saw all the differences everyone else missed. He noticed the same girl trapped inside herself. Did she know how she hid from herself?  Yet even as she was caged she was still true to herself with her kindness and he saw it everyday as she walked in front of him on the walk to school surrounded by friends. She stood apart in the crowd of people as if she were alone. As if only she knew what it meant to truly be a part of something. He never said anything to her he just trailed behind her and her friends and prayed the walk would be over soon. He dreamed of the day when he would finally meet her, and what he would say to her when they actually spoke. They never had classes together not in the last two years and not now in his senior year. Her friends were loving and caring yet they were not close. They seemed to be held together by her. They wouldn't know each other or even like each other if it weren't for her. She brought out the best in all of them. And he admired her for that fact.
She knew he was there. She always did. He was her white knight in shining armour. He just didn't know it. He was always there and she had created a man to match the figure behind her. She refused to talk to him in order to keep her dream alive. To keep her one escape in tact. Her friends talked about him and she had heard the rumors about him, and each time they only confirmed her own imagination. She feared the time was coming when her knight would meet the man himself and she was starting to believe he wouldn't disappoint. Since she was a freshman he had followed the same pattern, the same routine every morning. Every morning at the same time she walked past him sitting by the creek bed. She dreamed of what they might say or how they might act. He was so different from every one else she knew. He was so different from any other boy she had liked, dated, or even known. He drove girls home and walked them to their door. He carried paper backs in his back pocket. Had a football at hand and a smile on his face. He was considerate and kind. But he was a complete ass when situation dictated it. As far as she knew he had no flaws. He was well liked you might even say he was popular. Though no one ever considered him part of the 'in' crowd he was just well liked by just about every one. Except by what her mamma would call trash but they never really liked any one. Especially themselves. Life for her was within the walls of her high school. But she knew he dreamed of more. You could see it in his eyes. You could see it in how he moved, and talked. There was nothing he wanted more than to be out. Out of the confining life he had lived for the last eighteen years. She just knew it. And one of these days she was going to bite the bullet and not let life pass her by. She was going to say something to him. She just hoped she wouldn't be too late. Every morning they each had the same internal debate and every afternoon they were left to ponder it some more. Each night they asked the same question.

Trouble

Walking to my high school, I had seen hell play out before me. I had seen death in the suicide of a friend, I saw drama played out in sex scandals of my fellow students. And I saw lives fall apart because they'd fallen into the seductive clutches of drugs. I never thought I would have had to deal with it first hand. It hadn't started on the first day of school, nor did it start with a new student. He was one man, he had seen me fall in and out of love, he had seen me cry and laugh, and he had been the cause of it all. Because one day he noticed me. He wasn't the only one, it was difficult not to notice me. I had made sure of that. If I wore jeans, I needed a hanger, and to be lying on my bed to zip them up. If I wore a skirt, I was lucky to get away with it. My shirts were either tight or they exposed more than they probably should have.  He was the true meaning of player, except maybe that one girl could make all of the difference to him, and I had planned to be that chick. I had told you how it hadn't started but now I suppose you would like to know how it did. Of course it started in band. Not at band camp of course, or the football games, and definatley not in class. No this story started in the instrumant storage room. A room almost as infamous as the the drama dressing rooms. He was one of those percussionists, but then again so was I. He caught me before I had started my headlong sprint to class, by my hair. For a long time my hair had always been short, But then it was very long, it could tickle the small of my back and the boys always liked that.
He pulled my hair, and Lord I love that. Ha I promise you I'm not easy. It's just I don't bother to hide. I'll let you know when I'm happy. But at that moment I didn't know who was pulling my hair and I was mad. I had to get to class. I didn't have time for this shit. I turned around to face  him and I decided I would make time for him. "Yeah?" I asked him.
"Where are you going?" He asked in return.
"I'm not going anywhere, if you keep pulling my hair." He smiled.
"Is that a promise?" I couldn't help but laugh.
"You bet." He laughed back. I love a good time. And he would be a good time. The thought had barely fluttered through my head when he dragged me in for a kiss. And Lord was that boy a great kisser! I was up against the instrument lockers before I could register what was actually happening. When the late bell rang he stepped back and set me down on my feet.
"After school?" He asked before walking away. Well it looks like I won't be making it to band practice oh well. Thank God we had been friends for years. I knew he could be impulsive but I never expected him to make a move. We had done our best to avoid this. To ignore all the sexual tension that was split between us. It wasn't as if we never discussed it, we just never acted on it. No matter how much we wanted to. We wouldn't be a sex scandal I make certain of that. I am more discreet than that, I'd make sure it stayed quiet. I hate drama and I know he does but he can't help but cause it. People are just fascinated with him. It's just how he is. He walks into a room and your perception is filled with him. Oh Lord we were Trouble

That is the Question

I don't know anymore we met in college. He's awesome. I love him but...... I could never be truly happy. But with him I could live the life I want. I could stay at home cook large meals and read books all day. I could have the house I want. Yet I wouldn't have children running around because he doesn't want children. I would feel uncomplete. I could have almost everything I want. But the Love I need to be completetly happy isn't there. So where does that leave me to go. A life with out worry but with out the thing I want the most and with out love. Or a life with security, a sound home and some one who will take care of me? Where do I go? He would take care of me, he loves me. Someone else could make me so much happier. I can think of people who could make me happier. I could have the children I want but the security wouldn't be there. Working might be an option but it would probably be manditory. I could love some one else whole heartedly. But not him, I try so hard to make him happy, but he doesn't do the same for me. How can I let hm go? How can I think of leaving? I try to fancy myself the type of girl who would marry for love but, at this point in time I have doubts. Maybe life for girls hasn't changed much in 200 years at least not for me.

High Heels

Even then as I looked at my beautiful high heel shoes, I could not fathom what had just accured. The slick black heels were professional yet completely gorgeous. Some how I had  walked through the door and left the world behind. Our clothes were scattered across the floor in our pursuit of the bed his shoes managed to get to the floor and his socks too. But my shoes were forgotten on my feet. All passion not forotten, it consumed us in the infinate amount of time where we forgot my gorgeous shoes. Now as his chest rises and falls, I kick off my shoes and he drew me closer and I couldn't stop looking I was unable to let him out of my sight. Or even out of my reach, I couldn't bear to let him go. Again we were drawn back to a world only we can reach, my husband and me. I will never let him go. Consumed by his love.

Just Another Day

Here I was with my best friend enjoying the emotions sweeping over me, but they were not in any way over whelming. I embraced these feelings gladly. We both loved cars, played Hallo and loved pokemon. I read books and he watched t.v. he was my best friend and I love him. I had known him since I was 15 and he was 16, ten years later and I still loved him. There I was wrapped in his white sheets with him breathing next to me staring, loving, caring. Whispers could not be heard in the next room over but she was in a heaven of her own and could care less, probably being whispered to as well. The kisses given were quick, light and unforgettable. I looked up and smiled at him almost unable to look away. Yet look away I did, I crawled to the foot of the bed the sheet slliding only to be pulled closer to my chest draping around my shoulders. As I reached I flicked the t.v. on and grabed the hand sets, as he got ready to beat my ass at another round of Hallo. He pulled me closer. It was a habit I guess, pulling out those controlers. And enter a world of slaughter. A place where we love and enjoy being love. As he holds me in his arms with thse sheets wrapped close it's hard to forget I'm loved and by him.His arms around me with our controlers one in front of the other the game begins. And so does the rest of our lives.

What Would You Do Without Me? Part One

Adelle has the right outlook on life. She loves people and can't help but trust them, even if they if they have everything against them. She loves life, and loves to smile. Her laugh never fails to make you smile. Adelle is always curious, she always has a question for you, and they don't always make sense to you. Yet they make perfect sense to her. Even though we don't see eye to eye on life, her internal sun shines through my clouds, and leaves me thinking that life isn't so bad. Adelle has common sense and she thinks before she speaks. She is cautious but yet lives life to the fullest. She hates being alone. She is as loyal as a golden retriever, and she cares about her friends.She can act like an idiot, and tease every boy she sees, but you can't help but understand that that's how Adelle is. Her blond hair reaches past her shoulders and half way down her back, and her brown understanding eyes, convey how much she cares about you. Her high cheek bones show the elegance that still exists in the world, her full lips curve into a smile that can melts ones fears away. Her 5.3 height adds to her charisma. We are not alike. She brings light to my dark mind. My laughter sounds dead compared to the bells that ring when she laughs. Her smile is easily found while mine is lost to most of the world. I tower over her at 5.6 my red hair is not vibrant and has no sheen, it is as dull as the clay below this grass. My green eyes are dead behind the color of life. I speak before I think, I live life without thinking it through. I am lost where she is found. My sanity is in question at times where her lack of is billed as being Adelle. She is quick to give her heart away and reluctant to take it back. Where I am hesitant and easily swayed. She has Shane where I have Will. We are polar opposites yet the same. We both come to each other with questions and we both seek advice from one another. We rely on each other more than you could imagine. I can calm her down with a few quick words, and she can make me smile with just the smallest of looks. She gets lost in the beauty of life. I am bewildered at the disgrace of life. We both love the same movies, books, artwork, and friends. That makes us the same yet very different in this life. She wants to be in the army to protect, serve, and love our country. I am the one who has no clue what I'm going to do. She will end up happy in a world no one thought possible, I will be miserable everywhere I wander. That is unless she is still there to smile with me. Really she is more like my sister than anything else and yet she is far from. She never annoys me like other people with her energy do. Despite all our differences there is something out there that has brought us together.

Just Another Fan Fiction - Surviving Beyond Living

Dear Readers
Over the years thousands of people have produced multiple Harry Potter Fan Fictions. I have decided to count myself among their numbers. You will be able to find My Fan Fiction "Surviving Beyond Living" on My Pages ( when it has been edited and ironed out to my satisfaction) or on my other blog dedicated solely to the Fan Fiction. My main character, Kass Darcie Cambers, she is a Hufflepuff. My fascination with the Hogwarts House began when I was placed there during my Pottermore Sorting. So there you go. I'll probably be filling up this page with random musings for this novella, or perhaps even a novel. On a similar note I will be publishing older random pieces, from a different time in my life. When there were people I could actually share my stories with. Challenge Three! Pick out which stories are my random older pieces! Let me know which ones are your guesses in your comments. Maybe this is my year! You know! Maybe some one will appreciate this blog as much as I do. So Some Random Thoughts Welcome to the World of Harry Potter! Are you ready?
With Love Your Unfazed Author
P.S. The Badger's cute isn't he? I found him online! He wasn't of my creation but I sure wish he was!
P.P. S. This is the one. Freeze Ray. Stops Time. Tell Your friends. - Dr. Horrible

Her Curse

She was a piece of artwork. Her skin was so soft, yet so strong. At first I wasn't sure about her. Who was she to act like that? Like she owned the world. And then I spent a few hours with her, just getting to know her. We talked over what I can't remember now, but it was after that that I understood. She listened, she talked, she laughed, and she wrapped her spell around me I couldn't help but fall into inner chaos. I fell in love with her and I don't know why. It made no sense, none at all. We had a lot in common. Now I see that's just how she is, she reads you and she knows you. In those first few minutes in knowing her she reads into your soul and tells you exactly what you want to hear. She shows you the part of herself that you could love. She's simple enough, her wants were simple, her needs were few, but she was extraordinary. She looked at me and I saw myself as she did. I saw myself as some one worth wanting. She looked at me and saw that I was worth something even when I couldn't see it in myself.  She smiled and I saw true joy, joy that existed because of me. Some how I made her happy, with only a few words. It was never an act, I see that now, its just how she was. She never made you love her. You just saw that she accepted you wholly and loved you for who you were. There in lied her power, she loved you. Like no one ever had before. Like no one ever would again. It was such an innocent simple thing this love. It was her pursuit to happiness. And all I had to do was love her, cherish her, and not abuse her. All I had to do was gain her trust and keep it. All any of us ever had to do was remember that she was human. Yet its that very simple fact we can hardly remember. We see how she saw every other person and we see that she loved them just as she loved us, no different. She loved. How we were in love with her meant nothing, for she simple loved us. Perhaps there had been some one some where that had truly gained her heart, body and soul, but some where along the lines it had been crushed and she was left with broken dreams and life's goal that led no where, for her. She had the power to love but not a heart to give away. She wanted to be happy but she didn't have the key. She had her pick of men and we all loved her, but it was not the one she wanted. I'll never know who he was but if I had I would kill him. Because he deserved to die for hurting her like that. But it was her gift to have men fall in love with her but it was her curse to never let them in.

If only she could see...

She could imagine the disappointment in her mother's eyes. That would be the worst consequence she would face if any of this ever came to light. This twisted secret that she had some how fallen into. All by her own design. She knew exactly what it was  she was getting into, yet instead of turning around and running she raced head on towards her own demise. And it didn't stop at the first time, it didn't stop when her life became jeopardized. In fact it didn't stop at all. The rush was too great, the need was always there, this dark secret. Her desire, and passion led her astray from the path she had struggled so long to follow. What she had done was not who she was. Who was she kidding? There was nothing glamorous, beautiful, or attractive about the life she had chosen to live. And she was a slut. The  men she had fallen into bed with meant a little bit of the world to her, but she meant nothing to them. Nothing but a good time at least. How could she have fallen so low? How could she let this happen to herself? How could she even begin to start over. Who would accept her and her past? So she walked on hoping that for once the past could slip away and that the skeleton's in her closet wouldn't come to life to follow her.
"You could face them."
"Face who?" Did he expect her to confront the few men she had ever loved?
"Your demons." The ones in my head...
"I can't do that. I'm not strong enough, my past has proved that."
"In the past you didn't have me." He said with a smile as he took her hand. She knew as he said it that he was right. She could do it because she had him. He was the factor that didn't exist before. He gave her the hope to become someone else, to become who she had once been. A woman, of strength, power, pride, self assurance, and humility. A woman worth loving.
He saw the thoughts flash in her eyes, if only she could see, she was always worth loving. Even in her darkest moment he had loved her. He wanted nothing more than to be the man worthy of her despite her mistakes, because despite her flaws she was kind loving and selfless. Yes, selfless.He loved her, if only she could see that it is because of her, who she was, is, will be. If only she could see.

She came out from behind the bend and before her was her world. The horizon was before as she drove down the hill in her beat up truck. The sun began to set in all of it's golden glory, filling the sky with deep oranges, blood reds, and the ever increasing indigos and midnight blues. She wished she had a picture of this moment. This little moment of bliss. But the moment had come and gone and all she had was a memory.
Even as she rolled down the hill, she wanted to turn the truck around and walk through that all too familiar screen door. She couldn't, like that day the relationship had to end. No matter how much she didn't want it to. He understood, he stood by and let her break both of their hearts. They both knew it was for the best. They didn't question what they had to do. Or even why.
Her tears fell down her face as she made the final turn onto the highway, when her phone rang. She didn't look to see who it was. She already knew.
"Hey..." The voice on the other end was as broken and tear stained as she knew her's would be.
"It's too early for hello's."
"I just had to tell you." He paused, but there was no suspense, she knew him too well. "I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet."
"Don't say that." She heard the sob in her own voice and wished she could be stronger. "What else could we have done?"
"Nothing. There's nothing we could have done differently. I just wanted to let you know. I wished there was a way that it didn't have to end."
"If only that was enough."
"I love you."
"And I love you."
"You're my secret I wish I could tell."
"You are my Romeo."
"And I would have died like the fool, with a smile on my face. At least my Juliette is too brave to let either of us die."
He knew she was smiling, that hear wrenching smile of beauty.
"These violent delights have violent ends. And in their triumphs die, like fire and powder, Which as they kiss consume."
"One of us had to be practical." He reasoned for her.
"No! Don't say that. I'll turn around right now if you try and defend what I've done."
"What is that? What did we ever do wrong?"
"We fell in love!"
"It happens. Look. It's not over because believe this or not my heart will always be true to you. My arms will always be open for you, and there will be a side of my bed and a chest of drawers. I know you love me, so don't deny that you would do the same. I'm saying that, knowing that is enough. I have lived to know that I have been loved and that I have loved.  You were enough to keep me going and the thought of you will continue to keep me going. Until my dying day." And with that he hung up, but just as he said he was never gone.
After that night she couldn't watch her favorite movies any more, all of them were love stories. They were too real, despite the fiction. But Romeo and Juliette she could stand to watch that. At least she was alive even if she didn't survive.

Everything He was Not.

She was the victim of her own kindness. Her own love for every other person is what destroyed her. She couldn't stand to see him hurt or alone, even though she was driven to that very state countless times, all because of him. His inability to show empathy, to even begin to understand is what destroyed a match that seemed to be invincible.
He stood next to where she sat crying, the formal gown just a reminder of all the wonderful empty promises he had made. He looked down on the woman he had driven to tears and he couldn't understand.
He had sworn she was the only one he could ever love. But how many times had she been pushed away to make room for someone else? He would often come back with words of love, and she would let him back, all the while thinking that she was the better person for giving him a chance. Every time he came back he tried to tell her how special she was, how beautiful, how kind. She didn't deserve him, he would say. She would agree silently in her head, never letting him see how truly hurt she was by his betrayals  She couldn't show weakness, she couldn't let him see how truly destroyed she was, but every now and again her mask would crack. She would yell and give him a good what for. She would scream in he own way and tell him everything she had pent up. He would apologize and act like a beat puppy until she apologized for her behaviour. But he never once apologized for his. She could't look at herself in the mirror without wondering what she was worth. She had plenty of people telling her, she was worth the world. But who was she to believe them? The only boy she had given nearly everything to had walked away? Over and over again, never looking back until he realized what he was missing, and then he would come back and leave again after he got a decent fix of feeling loved, of feeling like a normal human being.
The tears rolled down his face as he listened to her sob. He knew it was his fault, he knew there was something he could do. But she wanted him to mean everything he said, and back it up everyday. And to be honest he was just simply not capable of that. He could't guarantee her anything he sad would come true. Except that he was sorry. And she was tired of the apologies, they didn't mean a thing. He never changed, so how could he be sorry. So he left her there. There was no where else to go, and that hurt her most of all. He waited this long to leave her? He took this long to decide it was over? He was finally glad. And it hurt her that she was so happy, she didn't want to give up on him, but somewhere along the way she had given up on herself, and everything she had once prided herself on what had made he a person had fallen away and she had become everything she hated in other people. She had become sick in her soul. And she was broken. She would fix herself because no one else could. But he would never heal, and each scar that he left on her heart would be written across his own as he goes his own way with the only person that ever truly meant anything to him. She was the best damn thing in his life, and he had to walk away or she wouldn't exist at all. Her soul would die, and so would the person he loved and admired, for everything he was not.

He watched as she ran around the backyard with their tiny dalmatian. He heard her laugh as the puppy finally caught up with her. It was a laugh he knew well, one he had heard many a times at all the worst possible moments. She caught the puppy and carried him up to the porch, where her lover sat and kissed him on the lips. She pulled away smiling when the phone rang, only to saunter into the house. He knew who it was on the phone, her mother. She called every Sunday, every damned Sunday. Maybe if things had been different he wouldn't have minded, but if it had been different they wouldn't be here together. It hadn't started out ideally that was for sure. They hadn't been friends since they were kids who grew into love. No, they had met in high school. That had been a blast. She hadn't changed much since then, she still was spontaneous, indecisive, and a tease. Her hair had grown out since she impulsively decided to cut it (and man did he like it long). She still talked endlessly, unless she was a in deeply thoughtful mood. And she was her mamma's girl. He could hear her talking through the open door but he couldn't tell what she was saying. By her tone her knew she was defending every decision she made since him. She tried to explain why it worked, she couldn't and neither could he. This was not what he had planned, he wasn't supposed to be with her. It's not what she expected. He heard the puppy whine and decided to go see what was wrong. He walked in to see the tears on her face. He took the phone out of her hand, "Excuse me, my wife and I have things to do. So if you're done making her cry we'll be going now." And without another word he hung up. He wrapped his arms around her and said nothing. Sometimes nothing needed to be said.
Which for them was rare. They were the kind of couple to have full logical conversations during great sex. In fact their first time, they stopped and put their clothes back on because it was more fun to talk. Not because the sex was bad but because the conversation was so great.
But they had had this conversation plenty of times. Over the years it was always the same argument over and over again.
They had never actually dated. They simply were. They laughed, joked, made love, and lived. When they had the chance at least. They did it all until they couldn't see a future with out the other. Their parents couldn't understand, and they didn't want to explain just why exactly they were so close. So there was a small quick ceremony with the immediate family, and then they were off living their life together, their families drifting into the wings rarely heard from except during holidays or special occasions. Except her mother.
It hurt her that her family had drifted away, that they couldn't accept her. But she was going to be damned if she didn't live her life according to them. This was their life.
She let him hold her, and let all the pain go. It didn't matter. She looked at him, and the love she saw in his eyes made life seem all the better. He let her go, took her by the hand and let her back out side to the swing. There they sat and waited for the day to end. For someone else to say that they had it wrong.
Just let them try, she thought with a smile, as she held his hand for all eternity.

A Good Night

Being Close

Closer than Before

Yet the Farthest You've Ever Been

Everything

And Nothing

A Moment of Bliss

In a State of Nothingness

Each Touch a Sudden Rush

Each High Bringing a Greater Fall

Into Love

Or Farther in to Recess of Yourself

Either way is Doomed

To Last an Eternity

Or as Long as the Last Kiss

To One its Means Everything

To the Other it could Mean Nothing

Yet it Could Mean the World to Both

Worth Every Risk

Worth Every Step

Worth All the Pain

For a Chance at Something Greater

Every Year...

Every year it was the same old thing. She was surrounded by people she couldn't stand. But this year was different. This year was her year. Finally the Holidays would mean family. They weren't related by blood but they were held together by a lot more. Time had knit them together as life propelled them towards an end they couldn't see. And Finally she could spend a piece of her life with the people who made it worth living. The cold November day was just the start of the rest of her life, and it started with baking and cooking. She had been planning for Thanksgiving for days and days. She had been preparing, organizing, and designing all season for this day. Her debut so to speak. And it could have been nothing but a success. Slowly her kitchen filled with the sweet aromas, people and love. Laughter filled the air, dirty pans covered the counters and bubbles filled the sink. Life was there in the house and you could not escape the joy. As the turkey was roasting and the rest of the food was cooking the friends all ran outside. The girls had grabbed the very loved football only to be chased by all the boys. The Macy's Day Parade was on but long forgotten. They ran about the yard competeing for the best plays, celebrating the best tackles and stumbling into endzones. This was life. Finally. The timers in the kitchen brought their games to an end as they all migrated indoors to sit down for a lovely afternoon meal. All around the table they thanked God for the things God had given them, they asked for nothing and recieved more than they ever could have imagined.

The Reoccuring Nightmare

Seeing him was a shock, electric waves shot through her blood. A heat wave swept through her body as if she just shot vodka, maybe even a double shot. And memories of their nights spent together filled her mind. He offered an awkward smile and she remembered why it was over. At least for her, he had let her down. She didn't want his promises, she never asked for them, but he had promised anyway. Then he never came through. How could he do that to her? Why? He left her on her own. Did she scare him away? Did she do something wrong? She was hurt more by what had happened then he could have ever possibly been. Her,mind, body and soul were forever changed. Only his mind had been altered. He was not there when she needed him most. Bastard, yet she knew things weren't overbetween them either. She was going to strangle him until his teeth rattled and then she was going to kiss him. She was dumb if she thought things would change, Good thing she didn't expect change. Dammit. She deserved better but she was the best he was ever gonna get. Did he deserve another chance? That's the question. Would she give him one?

Chin Up, Face Down

Looking into his eyes she knew that he knew. He knew what was happening, he saw through her careful makeup and her lies. How could he? When even she couldn't? How could he see the truth when she could only tell herself that it would never happen again? And each time she wondered. Where had the love gone? She looked away to hide her shame. SHe could never tell how often she ended up on the ground after being pushed around. How she couldn't stop what was heppening to her. "How long?" he asked. "What?" Her head snapped up and again she met his gaze and finally he got a taste of the fear she lived with. "How long have you been hiding those bruises from me?" he heard her sharp intake of breath. "You thought you could hide it forever?" "I didn't know what to do." "How could you not tell me?" "How could I? I am supposef to be a strong independant woman. I can't even walk away! How could I tell you that I am not who you think I am?" "So you're taking it alone?" He didn't need an answer. "Come on. Let's go." "Where?" "To put that bastard in his place." She stopped following him but he continued on with out her. It was probably better if she wasn't there for it. He knew exactly where the bastard would be. "Hey ass hole," the bastard looked up in time for the punch. "Now you'll have a bruise to math hers. Do you feel like a man when you push her around?" The man taunted, the bastard who beat his woman. "Every action in this world will bear a consequence, if you wait around for ever you will surely drown. I see what's going down. You can't hurt her anymore. She's had enough." "Says who?" "Me, she drives me crazy. I love her. She'll never know."

No One There

The tea kettle whistled but no one was there to hear it. The radio was on but no one was there to dance. A book was open but there was no one to read it. There was tea on the floor, and no one was there to clean it up. The sun was setting into a blood red sky, no one was there to think of its beauty. Empty eyes looked into the sky that matched the colour that had run onto the floor. The lifeless face held a beauty, that no one was there to see. Even though her lips were unmoving, her frame said it all. No one was listening. Even though the room was still it was far from serene. She was gone, and there was no one was there to mourn. There was a mystery but no one was there to unravel it. The victim surrounded by her life, the attacker was gone all that was left was the footprints of the flee and an empty house. A woman who had pictures of dozens of the people in her life not only died alone, but left behind a world that had yet to realize she was gone. How long would it take? The woman who only ever wanted to just be loved, is left alone. The thief that took her life, held no malice towards her but merely took to ensure his own survival. A man who had barely known her. Yet he knew her better than anyone else. He met her in her last moments. He saw the woman she was. He saw the way she valued life, how she loved her family and friends, he heard her call out for the man she loved, and he saw her smile and forgive him as she fell. He learned what it is truly like to live. He learned how to feel pain, grief, and remorse. And he learned what it means to be human.